Successful Blog

How Do You Decide Who Is Trustworthy?

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I've been thinking . . .

about trust.

I look at the drops on this flower and trust they’re water.

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Truth changes. Water evaporates. Other clear liquids last longer in camera lights.

With the water, I would see it, feel it — I’d recognize water without thinking.
If it wasn’t water, it would feel and react wrong, suspect, inauthentic.

It’s the same with people.
Trustworthy people, I recognize without thinking.
The ones I don’t trust feel and react wrong, suspect, inauthentic.

Trust can be bravery, instinct, learned experience, or blind stupidity.

How do you decide who is trustworthy?

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Building A Powerful Personal Developmental Network – Is Your Next Teacher on Twitter?

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Great Networks and Partners Are Where You Find Them

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Last week was an exciting example of how Twitter has moved seamlessly into our lives. I left for D.C. on Wednesday stayed through Monday. It was the most productive week. Ideas were flying. Plans were being made.

How could so much happen in a city where I’ve hardly spent time?

It started with a quick conversation on Twitter with @SweetSue about her blog. Next thing you know, Susan Kuhn Frost, and I were planning an Association conference over several long phone calls, twitter DMs, and emails.

Susan had reached out to her networks — online and offline. I did to mine too. By the time I arrived in the capitol city. We had a week of meetings planned that made the conference and the content come together in record time. In the process, I think we both taught each other a lot. I’m delighted to have her in my network.

But I bet the story isn’t that unusual.

Building Your Powerful Personal Developmental Network – Is Your Next Teacher on Twitter?

Most of are great at seeing others, but it’s hard to see AND be the one we’re looking at. Whether we’re a company or an individual, it’s easy to find reasons that we made our successes, but that our failures were due to other circumstances. That’s where a powerful personal developmental network can keep things real.

In his new book, “Who’s Got Your Back?” Keith Ferrazzi talks about lifeline friends. They’re the sort of friends who hold us accountable and won’t let us fail. He suggests we build a handful of relationships based on vulnerability, generosity, candor, and accountability that’s reciprocal, constant, and intelligent.

Take Keith’s qualities and roll them into my definition of a Personal Developmental Network — a group of incredible people, individually chosen because of their unique abilities and their genuine interest in your success.

Imagine the power of that. It’s a personal board of directors time ten to the 23rd power!

Every day I touch base with people I trust — like Susan — to check my thinking and to stay accountable. Staying consistently in touch with my partners keeps the projects we’re working strong and able to move with action when opportunity arises.

My partners are a core part of my Personal Developmental Network — intelligent, incredible people, who help me stay on track with my most important goals. Many of my closest advisers are right there in my Twitter stream.

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Building A Powerful Personal Developmental Network – Is Your Next Teacher on Twitter?

Success for me, is when my whole life — head and heart — are focused on the same purpose. So my network helps me grow as a human meant to achieve something. I also believe that a network that grows with me will offer priceless depth and support.

To do that, build from the ground up.

1. Start with a foundation of concrete not sand.
— Qualitative Observations: Ask people who know you to describe your strongest traits — those that serve you well and those that get in the way. Make list. Then make a list of the kind of teachers who can teach you.

Use Twitter to ask questions and to find people who know what you’re looking to find out.

On Twitter, you’ll recognize the people who know you best by the way that they receive you. When we’re communicating people who know us, we don’t need to edit our behaviors for fear they’ll be misinterpreted. Explain why you’re asking and offer them more than one way to give you feedback: directly to you via DM, via email, or through an interview by a mutual friend.

— Quantitative Assessment: Check every test, performance appraisal, and personality measure you’ve taken. Ask your twitter friends for others that might offer a fresh view of your online persona. Learn what you can from all of them.

Use Twitter to find friends who have experience working with the tools or tests you choose. You might try a combination of Strengths Finder, the Enneagram, and the Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory.

— Personal Reflection: Spend an hour / day for a week thinking about personal and business successes in your life. Look for traits and strategies that show up throw all of them.

2. Lay out a path.
Look three years down the road. Where do you see your best self? If you can’t pick a path, that’s a great place to start.

Pull it all together. Then look for online and offline partners who might help you define and refine what you found.

3. Wisely choose unique and valuable guides.
Choose people you would bet your life success and your reputation on — people who share your standards and your values, and who care enough never to let you fail. Choose people strong enough to tell you when they disagree. A strong network might include:

— a close friend who knows you and your history, both business and personal.
— someone from your business industry who knows you less well
— two or three someones who are from other industries
— two or three someones you respect and admire, but don’t know well

Use Twitter to choose people who can see the “you” people online see.

4. Check your bearings regularly.
Decide how you’ll meet with them. Will you call when you have questions or meet regularly? Will you meet one at a time? Check in with your network by asking, “How’ve I changed that you can see?”

Demand they hold you accountable. Do it by trading ways that you might hold them accountable for something they need to accomplish of their own.

5. Don’t Leave Out Learners.
People who are learning often teach us just by the questions they ask. Invite a learner to join your network to help you on your quest. That will make it easier to be a learner yourself.

When someone teaches you a skill, ask how you might use that skill to help that teacher. Ask questions, listen actively, and be first to offer a favor without strings. People remember sincere curiosity and true generosity. Add vulnerability and accountability and the combination is unstoppable, just as Keith Ferrazzi says.

6. Ask for Help — Communicate. Let your network know when you need help, when you have questions, or even when you need to vent safely. A developmental network that doesn’t know where we are can’t help.

A developmental network is not made from casual friending or among random followers. It’s the people who understand why we’re passionate about our calling. But that doesn’t mean we can’t find the right folks on Twitter and getting to know them well.

Wise teachers show up in all sorts of places.

Watch for and welcome every wise teacher you encounter. Wisdom and experience are a prize. True teachers show themselves by offering advice, expecting nothing in return. Mentors who come your way, offering experience and connections, see something in you. Let them help you discover what that is and what it could be if you let it grow.

Welcome all wise teachers into a Powerful Developmental Network, wherever you find them.

Nobody likes to go it alone, and it’s not a good idea. We need each other for information, insight, and inspiration.

Is your next teacher on Twitter? You never know.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Liz can help you find focus or direction, check out the Work with Liz!! page.

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What Would Need to Drive a Sexy Yellow Sports Car?

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Context

All our lives we hear this statement.

Tell me what you need.

Do you hear it differently depending on the context?

When Is an Offer an Offer?

In the office supply store, “Tell me what you need.”
“I need a box of gel pens, colored file folders, and a nice notebook.”

In a project meeting, “Tell me what you need.”
“I need three months, two more designers, and a traffic manager.”

Planning a conference, “Tell me what you need.”
“I need a 3200 sq. ft. room with 30 small conference tables and 5 elegant executive chairs at each.”

Simple. Someone asks. We tell them what we require. We find out if our needs are available or if adjustments are in order.

But Then

When someone makes an offer of work to “die” for …

It can sound like this.
Would you like to

  • speak at the palace?
  • travel with your favorite rock band?
  • visit all of your friends around the world?
  • tour the vineyards of Europe?
  • drive this sexy yellow sports car for a year?

“Um, sure!”

“Tell me what you need.”
“I’m there!”

“Tell me what you need.”
“Whatever you’re offering.”

We wouldn’t use that response in the office supply store. “Tell what you need.”
“Whatever you’re offering.”

Not so simple. Not the best answer either.

Reality Check

Someone asks what we require. Do you give up your needs because the offer is cool?

Attractive work doesn’t stay attractive
when you work for less than you need.

Overlook the delightful; see past the golden; think through what it will cost you to explore that delicious adventure. Then you’ll know how to answer. “To drive your sexy yellow sports car for a year, I’d need … ”

Have you ever talked yourself right past the words, “Tell me what you need”?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz!!

Did you buy the ebook yet?

Do it for your blog.

Gardening, Blogging, Life, Comments and How Relationships Stay Made

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The Authenticity of Gardening … and Blogging

When I was a luxury farmer, I brought in bark mulch by the truck load. I had conversations with dirt that was so dry that you had to wet it to call it dust. It made be feel like a cowboy. It made me feel like a king. I could put my hand in the dirt, work for hours. Then through some miracle of nature color would happen. Things would grow. Not right way. Oh no. It took longer than blog years, but suddenly in the sun things started to show.

Every year we the weather gets warm and my hands want to be playing in the dirt I’m reminded that all things I’ve ever done have happened because I was willing to spend the time they took.

A blog. A garden. A life.

No one does them for the comments really.

But the comments sure do feel good.

Would you leave one for me now and then go leave one for those you know who’ve been working hard?

I’d so appreciate it and so would they. It’s how relationships start and how they stay made.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz!!

Buy the ebook. Learn the art of online conversation.

How Can You Change What You're Afraid of?

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Each Year We Get Better

The theme of SOBCon09 was the ROI of Relationships. We underscored the importance of relationships in business and had a chance to make and celebrate a few while we’re doing that.

Every year, we get a better at smoothing the edges of what we’re inventing — our businesses, our community, and this event that we build together when we walk into that room.

At SOBCon08, a beautiful young woman joined us. She signed up with only her first name. She was in the room the whole time, but I didn’t get to know her well. This year she returned with her full name and seemed so much more involved. As I read her story, I wish I had reached out to her more last year. She’s inspired me to make sure that I look to do that more.

Reflections on the ROI of SOBCon09 by Amy LeForge

I’m just home from a weekend in Chicago for SOBCon09. The theme this year was The Return On Investment (ROI) of Relationships and I’ve been reflecting on what my personal ROI is for this trip. This was actually my second time attending SOBCon. That fact came as a surprise to more than one of the attendees this year when I introduced myself. The reason they were surprised is because they didn’t remember me from last year. That’s right. I went to a marketing/business/entrepreneurial/blogging conference last year and hid. I sat back in the shadows and listened and learned. I made a few friends, but I shied away from actually stepping out and having conversations or building relationships.

Don’t get me wrong: I have no one to blame for this but me. No one at SOBCon was (or is) anything less than stellar and wonderful and amazing. Every last one of them. I was out of my comfort zone the entire time; it was clear that I was in the company of people who knew and understood so much more than I and I was intimidated. I do not exaggerate when I tell you I sobbed for a good deal of the drive home last year.

I have long wondered what caused my attack of shyness. My husband, upon hearing me describe what had happened at SOBCon08, was quite puzzled. “You’re not shy,” he said. And he’s right. I’m not. Perhaps it’s that I’m an introvert, but even that label does not completely fit. It’s true that I am a listener, but I also love to tell stories. I wouldn’t be a blogger if I didn’t.

I came to SOBCon09 bound and determined to do better. This meant stepping far out of my comfort zone and forcing myself to join conversations, ask questions, and get to know people. Most frightening were the evening social gatherings. I went anyways. (I won’t lie to you: I had to have several rather stern talks with myself about not giving up and running away.)

If you talk to SOBCON attendees from years past you’ll hear how people walk in as strangers and leave as family. Friendships are forged that extend far beyond the boundaries of this one weekend. It’s all true.

I cannot begin to adequately describe how kind and welcoming people were, or how blessed I am to have been able to friend so many. Even when I very honestly said, “I’m scared out of my wits here,” I was warmly received and supported.

It was a conversation with Chris Cree that really crystallized things for me. When you feel so completely out of your league, as though you’re surrounded by people who are just so far ahead of you it’s emotionally exhausting. You finish every day just raw inside. Chris told me he knew what that felt like; that he had experienced it himself and that fear was playing a big role. That’s when I realized: sometimes we need to change what we fear.

I was reminded of a field trip I arranged for my behaviorally disordered students to a ropes course several years ago. If you’ve never seen a ropes course, it’s basically an obstacle course about 20 feet off the ground. I got it into my head that my class would benefit from doing the course.

Have I mentioned that I’m afraid of heights?

There were safety harnesses of course, but that didn’t stop me from almost passing out at one particular obstacle. Two trees were a few feet apart, each with a small platform. All I had to do was step from one platform across open space to the other. It couldn’t have been more than an 18-inch gap. With all the kids watching I didn’t dare to quit so I took the step. In order to succeed, I had to change what I was afraid of.

This weekend, I was blessed with the wisdom, expertise, time, and friendship of more people than I have space to acknowledge here. I cannot begin to put a value on the support I received or the help I was given. I deserve none of it. I am no more special than anyone else and yet I walk away having been given priceless gifts. I doubt I could ever thank people enough.

So what was my ROI on SOBCon09? Huge. Priceless. Beyond description.

Worth it.

And guys? No longer will I allow fear to stop me from walking into a room to make new friends. No longer will I allow myself to run and hide when I really need to stand and shine. Instead, I will fear letting you down by not using what you’ve taught me. I fear disappointing you after having been given so much.

I have changed what I am afraid of.

Amy LeForge writes about the successes, failures, and funny stories of being a parent at Earnest Parenting. You’ll find her on Twitter as @EarnestOne

I’ve been afraid like Amy has been. Sometimes, in some rooms, I find I still am.
I was afraid when I read this blog post that she, you, and me would only see that I let her down last year. It’s hard to think someone has courageous as she is would have feel so sad on her way home.

But so much would be lost if I didn’t share her story.
I had to change what I’m afraid of. I don’t want it to happen again.

A new outcome is inside a new point of view.

How can you change what you’re afraid of?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz!!

How Do Get You People to Stop Listening to Words and Start Hearing Ideas?

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Semantics Isn’t Conversation

In any conversation, a simple word I choose may have an unexpected effect on you. I have no way of knowing when you have “history” with ordinary words I regularly use.

A word such as curiosity, or money, or gorgeous might trigger a specific and negative response. I’ll have no clue that I’ve touched off feelings, negative feelings. I won’t suspect that one word has changed the tone of my presentation from neutral to negative.

It’s an accident because of something or someone in the past.

Looking for the Wrong Words

What folks encounter negative words it’s easy for them to have negative thoughts. They transfer their experience to the the person who said them, even when the words said aren’t thought of as hurtful, negative, or mean to most people. Communication breaks. Those listeners get distracted in that way.

It’s confusing when folks flinch at something we think is innocuous. We often feel misunderstood and try to explain that we meant no harm. It’s a defensive posture that rarely works. Rather than getting caught in explanation, looking for the tripwire word can be most helpful. If we ask about the message received, we avoid the risk putting our focus on our own intentions, but on the hearing the person who feels something wrong was said.

Here are some ways to bring the focus back to listening — when it seems that we’re getting distracted by words, and not hearing ideas.

  • Know what you want the outcome to be That means listening to the people — their tone, their pauses, their enthusiasm level — not just the words they’re saying.
  • The fear of negative comments — in person and on our blogs — is over-blown. Allowing people to play with language and to enjoy the conversation can be a conceptual collaboration.
  • Giving up the need for control — making room for tangents — can reap great benefits in involvement.
  • Look at faces when the eye contact is too intense.
  • Notice how your conversation partner sits and moves. Lean into the conversation, literally and figuratively.
  • Ask questions about points that interest you. Find many of them.

In other words, let the person talking know you value what he or she is saying. Signal everyone around that person’s importance to all who might be around. Listen actively. In other words, pay attention with the expectation that you will be asked to solve a problem with the very next question.

Conversations sometimes derail over words that we think about differently. When that happens how do you get people to stop listening to words and start hearing ideas?

–ME “Liz” Strauss