Successful Blog

Have You Found a Way to Make Small Talk Work for You Yet?

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Could We Just Get On With It?

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The holidays come with their obligations. The running, the gathering, and the inevitable holiday parties. The parties with friends and families can be true memory makers, filled with traditions and great reunions. The parties with coworkers and strangers can be a little intimidating, filled with small talk and expectations.

Small talk used to make me crazy. It was painful to listen to the ritual, empty conversation that didn’t go anywhere. It felt so inauthentic — people saying things and pretending to care about them. I’d try to participate but it was energy draining. “Could we just get on with it?!!” Small talk seemed such a time waster. How could so many people spend so much time getting no where, talking about the weather?

Everyone talks about the weather, but no one does anything. — Mark Twain

I admit I didn’t understand. As a result, I not only wasn’t good at it, but I was disruptive.

I’d try to add humor, switch it up a little, and every attempt would fall flat. People who small talk like their small talk a certain way.

My aversion to small talk made networking events and big company meetings excruciating. An introvert with a mile wide shy streak, I could sense a small talk conversation 60 seconds before it started. I practiced defensive networking. I’d walk around, smile, and hope someone as uncomfortable as I was would discover me. My fear of babble was getting in my way. Worse, I was probably telegraphing something like disdain.

My inability to small talk wasn’t working for me. It was time for a new view: If so many people found it useful, maybe there was something to it. Maybe I should pay attention, do some observing.

What I found out is that small talk comes in more than one flavor. The second flavor might be what has left many of us with a bad taste.

Don’t Let the Small Talk You Hate Ruin the Small Talk that Makes Relationships

The first thing I noticed when I started observing is that small talk has a pattern and purpose. You’ve probably noticed it too. Small talk is used to fill silences. What I didn’t catch for quite a while is that small talk comes in two forms — one that serves people who already know each other and another for people building relationships.

The Small Talk that Builds Relationships

Small talk is a space filler and a social lubricant. People use conversation to move together over time. It’s a social bonding ritual in which people define relationships, set boundaries, find similarities and differences. Small talk enables people to learn another’s social position, validate similar interests, and establish a platform for a continuing conversation … “Oh yeah, Jesse is my movie buddy. Love talking movies with him.”

When relationships are new, small talk is how people learn each other’s boundaries.The opening remark and it’s response follow the rules of a conversational dance. It really works so easily and doesn’t have to be insincere or shallow if you know these rules.

  1. Small talk starts with an agreeable statement or question. Start a conversation by noticing something, such as “Beautiful day, isn’t it?” or “That’s a stunning necklace!” Smile and make it easy to talk to you. A simple agreeable statement or question is a way small talkers of making a positive initial connection. If you don’t feel comfortable talking about the weather, or the food, or the latest techie gadget, comment on something about the other person. Share something you’ve noticed that you’re enjoying at that every moment
  2. The response to the first question or statement usually builds on the first question or statement. Respond with a little more than was asked for … “Yes, I live for the tulips on Michigan Avenue.” or “Thank you! It attracts amazing people. Are you always so great at noticing nice things?”

    3. Accept the invitation the opening agreeable statement or question offers you. Continue the conversation by sharing something, passing the conversation back, and listening to your new acquaintance. Offer only as much detail as fits your new relationship.

Starting the conversation is actually the easier way. Notice something worth commenting on in an agreeable way.

If you’re at that holiday party with strangers and coworkers, remember this to have more success in starting a conversation. Don’t approach two people talking, they’re probably having a deeper conversation. Look for a group of people standing together. Then look at their feet. The way we stand gives away how engaged we are. The person most open to a new conversation will be the one whose feet are pointing away from the conversation.

A little practice at the agreeable opening statement or question made my experience of small talk so much more refreshing. Now I find it’s a great way to open doors to new relationships with amazing people. I highly recommend it.

If Small Talk Is So Good, Why Does Everyone Hate It?

Small talk shows up in other situations. One in particular may be what has earned small talk it’s bad name. That would be the small talk that happens before someone, particularly someone in authority, uses to find a common ground and an even relationship right before he or she delivers bad news. I call that “the three things before the but.” You may have experienced it. For the naive or new to the experience, it’s a kind of being blindsided. To those who have previously experienced it, it’s still painful because once burned it’s easy to recognize what’s next. An example might be …

You’re a fabulous writer, a charming person, and very charismatic, but … you’re fired.

The worst part of this version of ritual, warmup conversation is that it doesn’t matter how true the “three things before the but” may be, the way that they’re used to deliver the hard news renders the three compliments unbelievable. The three compliments were pulled together to manipulate the tone and smoothly move the conversation. This conversational tactic destroys trust.

Have You Found a Way to Make Small Talk Work for You Yet?

People who say the “three things before the but” aren’t building relationships.
People who smile and talk about the weather while shaking hands and stealing your wristwatch aren’t building relationships.
People who smile big, talk about the weather, ask about your kids, but forget your name over and over aren’t building relationships.

They all may be using the art of talk as a social lubricant, but their using it to serve themselves not a relationship.

It’s not the small talk that’s the problem or the opportunity. It’s the motive that drives it.

Choose wisely and you’ll find that small talk can open a world of new relationships. Break the ice, invite others in, and sincere small talk can build you a network of amazing people.

Though I never think of it as small talk when I do it. I think of it as fun conversation.

Have you thought about small talk lately? Have you found a way to make it work for you?

Be irresistible.
–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz on your business!!

I’ve spent a couple of days on Twitter. Actually too many to count. My first tweet was March 16, 2007 and

Whose Values, Rules and Ideas Are Running Your Life and Your Business?

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Other People’s Values, Rules, and Ideas

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We all grow up to be leaders on someone else’s path.
That’s not a bad thing, but it’s a reality that builds our world view.
We need to learn how the world works … how to stay alive, how to access food, how to win respect, influence, and trust. The first values, rules, and ideas we learn teach us that. They set a foundation for building character, setting boundaries, and making decisions for ourselves.

Our First Values, Rules, and Ideas Come From Our Family

Most of us are born into a top-down organization called a family. Our parents (or older, bigger significant others) teach us about good and bad behavior. At the same time we literally find our hands and our feet. Before we learn to talk, we know some things work and others don’t. We’ve already figured out whether a smile or a crying fit gets us what we want. If we didn’t know that, we’d have died of hunger. As we find our way to standing in the world, values, rules, and ideas help us find the place for our feet.

Family values, rules, and ideas start simple. They come from our caregivers. They sound like “Love your brothers, Don’t take what’s not yours. Don’t hurt other people. Don’t yell indoors. Be nice. Do well by doing good. Think.”

We learn to navigate when those values, rules, and ideas conflict.

When my older, older brother was three, he tried to put his hand in the sugar bowl. My mom reached out to slap his hand.
My dad said, “Wait!” Then he turned to my toddler brother and said, “You won’t do that again, will you?”
My older, older brother agreed. But the very next day, he tried the sugar bowl again and my mother slapped his hand.
He said, “I’m going to tell Daddy you did that!!”
My mother slapped his hand a second time and said, “Now you can tell your Daddy I did it twice.”

We learn early to sort whose values, rules, and ideas are more powerful.
It’s a self-preservation skill.

The Next Values, Rules, and Ideas Come From School

At school, we learn to be a leader on someone else’s path. We learn values, rules, and ideas that engage us in a manageable way. Some kinds of creativity and leadership are rewarded because they help the school run better, faster, easier. They give the school more meaning. They make it more fun. Other forms of leadership and creativity are brought back onto the path, because they make things harder to manage. Some behaviors don’t fit.

Conflicting values, rules, and ideas come from the same source.
Some sorts of curiosity are good. Some sorts are disruptive.
Asking why is eager participation in some situations and defiance in others.
Some sorts of helping others are applauded. Other helping is called cheating.

It’s good to ask what would happen if you don’t brush your teeth.
It’s not so good to ask what would happen if you don’t go to “time out” when the teacher sends you there.

Add the exponential complication of the values, rules, and ideas of our peer group.
The simple values, rules, and ideas require interpretation as we get older.
We learn that some rules interpret our actions by what that action “most often means.”

We graduate and fit ourselves into yet another set of values, rules, and ideas.
The more people we meet, the more complicated the values, rules, and ideas become.

Why We Trust Other People’s Rules

The tricky thing is the way our brains build abstract thought. We construct our understanding of values, rules, and ideas through experience. We construct our world view, our basis for making decisions, the same way we construct the idea of blue — it all starts with someone else’s idea of what blue is. We learned our idea of blue by trial and error.


What color is this?
Blue.
No, honey, it’s red.
What color is this?
Blue.
No, dollface, it’s green.

We learned blue by learning what’s not blue at the same time.

We learn what to do by learning what not to do — by doing things wrong — by finding out that our inclinations and instincts have lead us astray.

We learn to trust other people’s values, rules, and ideas more than our instincts.
That’s a problem.

Most of us don’t realize where doing that.
That’s an even bigger problem.
In fact, it’s dangerous — so dangerous, it can cost us our life.

Whose Ideas, Rules and Values Are Running Your Life and Your Business?

How many of your decisions come from habits set years ago and never challenged. If you’ve been feeling like you’re not on the right path, I’m betting it’s because you’re working under some old rules — rules that don’t fit, rules you don’t need.

What are the values, rules, and ideas that run your life and your business? Who inspired them and are you ready to decide which are your own?

Be irresistible.
–ME “Liz” Strauss

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Ideas & Infographs: How to Build a New Age Marketing Machine

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by Mihaela Lica

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The Right Balance of Human & Machine Outreach

Human powered search engines to artificial intelligence (AI), technology not only astounds us, but at times confounds us as to its proper uses. The same holds true for PR, marketing, advertising, even yelling at your next door neighbors for their dog barking. How and what you use to convey your messages is a crucial part of success, no matter what your goal. SPAMMING current or potential clients is only one negative where mechanized marketing is concerned, the “who” of method is just as crucial. How the message is received, this is the rub for all corporate, business, or personal community.

The infographic below reveals a good balance and some insight into how a new age marketing machine should be built. Using the right proportion of personable and technological (mechanical) power can work wonders for your business outreach. Conversely, the wrong mix will lose conversions, make some angry, and become an overall burden on your personal and business brand. You can’t grow your business to its potential, without thinking of how your message is perceived, adopted, and reverberated.

[Click the image to see the isolated infograph and again to see it full size.]

Understanding Marketing Automation

Marketing mechanization is then, in a real sense, just an extension of a good, standard communications strategy. Even “brick and mortar” PR & marketing firms do not SPAM their constituents with post office clutter, the balance is still crucial. Ask any great communicator today about chosing the right mix, and you will invartiably get the simple answers presented in the graphic above. Of course the long tail of overall communications strategies is complex, and for in depth professionals to implement, but you see the value.

Even in your personal mailbox, you can see the wisdom of correlating what you enjoy looking at, versus what really turns you off about newsletters and other communique. For the expert that comes up with the best balance? Well, the sky is the limit, wouldn’t you say? We hope you enjoyed the data above, and please let us know your views on best practices too.

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Author’s Bio:

Mihaela “Mig” Lica founded Pamil Visions in 2005 where she uses her hard won journalistic, SEO and public relations skills toward helping small companies navigate the digital realm with influence and success.

You can find Mig on Twitter as @PamilVisions

Thanks, Mig!

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz on your business!!

15 Ways to 365 Days of Gratitude

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A Guest Post by
Rosemary O’Neill

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365 Days of Gratitude

Now that the turkey leftovers are just about gone, it’s tempting to start hanging holiday decorations and move on. But we should cultivate an attitude of gratitude all year long. It’s one of the best ways to separate human-centered businesses from the robot army. Humans care about elevating others; robots only care about processing bits and bytes.

Here are 15 simple (but concrete) ways to show appreciation online.

  1. Give a Klout +K – you can debate whether Klout means anything or not, and CEO Joe Fernandez has said that +Ks don’t directly contribute to a higher score, but it sure feels nice when someone gives you a +K, especially in a relevant topic area.
  2. Facebook Like – an oldie but a goodie, some people obsess over their number of “likes,” so it’s a nice way to give a pat on the back.
  3. Follow or subscribe – following someone on any social network or subscribing to their feed (blog or status updates) means you are interested in what they have to say. What better way to show you care?
  4. RT or Mention on Twitter – the ReTweet is the highest compliment you can give someone on Twitter, and it contributes to their Klout score, so double score! Mentioning someone, in status updates or comments on other networks is like name-dropping. Often the object of the name-drop is notified, and most people enjoy being recognized publicly.
  5. #FollowFriday – this one has had its ups and downs, but done correctly, a nice FollowFriday on Twitter can be a nice perk for someone. I think Gini Dietrich does it best; she picks one person, writes about him/her on her blog, Spin Sucks, and then Tweets it out. It’s meaningful, succinct, and likely to result in more followers.
  6. LinkedIn Recommend – for a business connection, a nice recommendation for the individual or for their products/services is a great way to say thanks. It’s like getting a gold nugget in the mail!
  7. Empire Avenue buy or recommend – if your contact is on Empire Avenue, buying some shares or giving an endorsement or recommendation is a nice recognition.
  8. Google +1 – this is a very important one. When you give a Google +1 to a person’s content, it shows up in search results, and it means that their content is more likely to continue showing up in your search results going forward. That’s power.
  9. Twitter or Klout list – it’s pretty easy to set up lists in Twitter and Klout, and it’s a way to publicly pull the cream of the crop to the forefront. Would you like to be included in a list of “Smart People” or “People Who Inspire?” Yeah, me too.
  10. Paper.li inclusion – this is another service that has supporters and detractors, but I always feel a nice boost when someone includes my feed in a Paper.li or any other of the aggregator services (Storify too).
  11. Comment on their blog – this is where the action is. Offering an intelligent comment that contributes to someone else’s blog is a sincere compliment.
  12. Blog roll – kick it old school; honor someone by including their blog in your “links” list. Ever heard of “link juice?” It’s hard to come by, and a much-appreciated gift.
  13. Thank on Quora – if you participate on Quora (and it’s a great place to get answers directly “from the horse’s mouth”), the best thank you is a “thank you.” When you give a thanks, the person is notified.
  14. Reply to a forum topic – it takes courage to stop lurking and start a topic in a busy forum. When you choose to reply, and add your own thoughts to the conversation, you are supporting the orginal poster and the community itself.
  15. Comment “like” – several blog commenting systems support “likes” now, so you can select particular comments and single them out for praise.

My suggestion is to start every day by handing out a few of these, without any expectation of return. A day that starts with gratitude is already a success.

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Author’s Bio: Rosemary O’Neill is an insightful spirit who works for social strata — a top ten company to work for on the Internet . Check out their blog. You can find her on Twitter as @rhogroupee

8 Ways the Creative You Can Make Money Online

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A Guest Post by
Rachel Carlson

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More Creative Ways to Make Money Online

Let’s face it – money is a huge concern for people these days. According to MSNBC, about 6.5 million people in the U.S. were working two jobs in 2010. The fact that you’re reading this article probably means that you’re looking for your own second job, or at least some supplemental income. Well, the Internet certainly provides many opportunities and advantages when it comes to making money. For example, many people are familiar with tactics such as flipping vintage items on eBay or Craigslist, taking advantage of the “one man’s trash, another man’s treasure” adage. There’s also the very common practice of freelance writing for sites like eHow and WiseGeek.

But there are other, more creative, possibly even fun ways to make money online. Very few of these solutions will provide you with the amount of cash that a second job would, but you’ll also be saving time and money by working at home. Think about it – there’ll be no cost of commuting or going out for lunch every day. And if you’re lucky enough to have something approaching a clear wireless internet 4G connection, you can “work” from anywhere at any time on a laptop or even a smartphone. So stop worrying and start getting creative:

1. Sell Video Game Money

Are you an avid World of Warcraft player? Why not monetize those hours of playing by selling some of your gold for real-world money? There are several sites that will pay you actual cash for your WoW gold; alternatively, you could just contact other players with offers on your own. Also, if you’re not too attached to it, players have been known to sell their accounts for hundreds and even thousands of dollars. Similar things can be done in the game Second Life. Also, if you’re planning on spending time playing Diablo III when it’s released, take advantage of its innovative real money auction house.

2. Sell Stock Photos

Get out the camera – pictures that you take can be contributed to services like iStockPhoto, Stockxpert, Fotolia, Shutterstock, Dreamstime and Clustershot as stock photos that are available for public use. Every time someone downloads one of your pictures for any reason, you get paid. The money results are often miniscule until your picture receives hundreds of downloads, but success isn’t uncommon. According to ABC News, this photo has already earned the photographer over $10,000.

3. Sell Items on Etsy

Etsy is a place where anybody can sell their handmade or vintage items. This includes jewelry, clothing, accessories, housewares, pet supplies, toys, decorations, and many other categories. It has become an extremely popular site for buyers who are looking for unique items. So, do you knit in your spare time? Maybe you have metalsmithing skills that you’re not putting to use. Any unique product that you can hand-craft can be sold on Etsy. And people are buying – $45.8 million of goods were sold on Etsy in August of 2011.

4. Become a ChaCha Guide

Have you used ChaCha? Basically, it’s a service that allows you to call or text with a question that will be almost instantly answered by a knowledgeable guide. Now, this “guide” is usually just looking up the answer on the Internet, but they do have to be pretty creative, as ChaCha has been known to receive some fairly outlandish questions (i.e. “How much wood could a woodchuck chuck?”). So, if you want to increase your Internet search skills while gaining knowledge in just about any subject, consider becoming one of these guides. The pay ranges from around 2 cents to 20 cents per answer, but if you work quickly you could earn a decent amount of spending money.

5. Blogging

Starting and maintaining a blog takes a lot of work, but it’s potentially more profitable than any other suggestion on this list. You’ll first have to decide what your blog will discuss. If you’re just looking to make money, you could focus your blog in a niche industry that allows you to attract advertisers and affiliate relationships, as well as allowing you to make sales yourself. You’ll then have to decide on a blogging platform, a domain name, and a hosting service. You’ll also need to start regularly creating content and keeping your site updated. Performing SEO and link building doesn’t hurt either. After all this, it can still take quite a while for your blog to ever start making any money (it might never), but there are plenty of success stories showing that people can make a lot of money when blogging.

6. eJury

eJury is a site where trial attorneys try to get a feel for public opinion regarding a case. It helps them evaluate their evidence, choose jurors, and make compelling arguments in the court room. Here’s how it works: after registering for eJury, you’ll occasionally be sent an email asking you to examine a mock trial. You’ll have a specific amount of time to complete the questions, after which you’ll be paid $5-$10. Doesn’t seem like much money, but it’s not much work either. Here’s an example of an eJury mock trial.

7. Do Some Freelance “Geeking”

If you’re looking to make money on the Internet, chances are good that you already have some experience with coding, web design, or SEO. If this is the case, why not offer your skills up to small businesses that are trying to make it on the web? Contact small businesses about building web sites, or just offer to help them implement a shopping cart, redesign their site, etc. You’ll need to be able to build trust with clients before you can start, so be sure to have a professional resume and portfolio ready. A site like Warrior Forum can help you find this type of work.

8. Enter Logo Contests

Are you a budding graphic designer? You’re probably already aware of the competition in this field, but it never hurts to submit some of your designs in for contests to get a chance at winning some cash. You’ll be building a portfolio and networking at the same time. So, be sure to check out sites like 99 Designs, which has hosted over 100,000 contests and has awarded over $25 million to designers.

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Author’s Bio:
Rachel Carlson is a writer and student that works from home. While she spends a lot of her time writing, she also helps different companies like Clear Wireless with gaining exposure through various blogs and websites. She has recently started a new Twitter account and is finally going to give it a real shot. She can be followed at @carlson_rachel.

Thanks, Rachel!

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Be irresistible!
–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz on your business!!

Ideas & Infographs: Decisions, Decisions … How Do You React?

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by Mihaela Lica

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Decisions Require Intelligence

When it comes to making big decisions, that can often make or break your business, it can be tempting to just go with your gut instinct, Isn’t it? After all, it’s your business and you know it better than anyone, right? Who’s better qualified to make a decision than you? And then, most of you out there have learned how hard this mentality bites too.

In actual fact, the “gut instinct” approach is fraught with hazards, that is, unless your gut instinct is Homeric – the stuff of legend. Face it, people have tendency to let their imaginations run away with them – we have all these plans and ideas and we can picture everything in our minds working out perfectly, accordingly – even in the most dire situations. Our judgment can so easily become clouded, as we get excited and think too far ahead of ourselves. Consequently, we make rash decisions that usually backfire on us.

So, decision making big or small, requires intelligence. No, not you turning into Albert Einstein, but the kind of business intelligence that can be gleaned ever more effectively in our digital work and playground here.

[Click the image to see the infograph full size.]

Business Intelligence Consumerization

Created By DomoTechnologies, Inc.

Business intelligence is far more accessible now, than ever before. As the above infographic courtesy DOMO (http://www.domo.com/what-we-do/additional-resources/8/82#featured) above shows, business intelligence, in the form of highly visualized and easily accessible data, is quickly becoming a vital resource for internet entrepreneurs. Check this out.

Having access to business intelligence is critical to your success. Unless you have a crystal ball, you simply cannot predict the outcome of those key decisions, no matter how well you might think you know your business and your consumers. The message is loud and clear – don’t act impulsively, get the facts first. That’s what everyone else is doing – so think about competing.

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Author’s Bio:

Mihaela “Mig” Lica founded Pamil Visions in 2005 where she uses her hard won journalistic, SEO and public relations skills toward helping small companies navigate the digital realm with influence and success.

You can find Mig on Twitter as @PamilVisions

Thanks, Mig!

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz on your business!!