Grouping People Doesn’t Work
Each year when my son started school with a new teacher, I would wait about three weeks. Then I would make an appointment to see her. I would bring along a few cool books I had carefully selected for her classroom as a gift. I gave her the three weeks because I wanted my son’s teacher to have a chance to get to know this rare and brilliant child on his own–we needed a common place to speak from. I brought the books because I wanted my child to move from being a “boy in class” to being a person–a child with a name, whose mother knows about books and cares about him.
I did those things because I was a teacher once. I know how easy it is to think of those faces as “the kids in my class,” not as individual people. Teachers are human beings and when you’re faced with 20-30 small people to get to know, it doesn’t happen very fast. The sad news is that extreme cases get center stage. Think of the names you remember from your early school days–they’re the extremes: the kids who were really smart, really bad, or really good friends with you. The rest become a blur. We’re human we make groups and unfortunately, we like to group people too.
Grouping people doesn’t work for getting to know them as individuals.
My son taught me that when he was all of three. I said, “Hey kid, let’s go.”
He stopped cold in his tracks, looked at me, and said, “I’m not a kid. I’m a people.”
We Have Relationships with People
We don’t have relationships with customers, or with users, or with eyeballs. We have relationships with people. It may sound like semantics, but it’s more than that. How we use words points to how we think and how we value ideas. If we think customer first and then person, we’re thinking backwards. Humanity wins out every time. Take care of the person and the personal relationship, and the work will take care of itself. Try it. It’s true. When we show people that we value them, they hardly ever let us down.
The reason that humanity wins is because real customer relationships are built around customer needs and desires. Needs and desires are individual human things, packed with individual human quirks and nuances. Sure there are patterns in any human group. You can even pile those patterns into demographics if you want. Stay at that level, and you’ll be skating on the surface where there’s only information and no heart.
I can’t begin to know my customers, if I don’t know what’s in their hearts.
Where Everybody Knows Your Name
Customers, visitors, and readers are people, not users, traffic, stats, or any other word that steals their humanity and steals our own humanity as well. It’s brand YOU and ME–together. My three-year-old customer-son was right to set me straight when he said, “I’m a people, not a kid.”
Who doesn’t want to walk into a restaurant where everybody knows your name? Who wouldn’t rather work with someone who knows who you are and cares about the things you care about? Who hasn’t had the experience of being treated like less than a person by a clerk, a doctor, or a boss? Didn’t that make you want to say, “Hey, I’m a person I have a name.”?
Do something small today to show a reader, a customer, or a visitor–someone who’s just met you–that you know that he or she is a person of value. See what happens. Then see how many times today people treat you–a customer–in that same personal way.
A business that values me as a person has my business and my brand loyalty from minute one. By week three, they’ll have the business of all my friends as well. There is no better promotion than valuing customers as the people that they are.
–ME “Liz” Strauss
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Hey Liz,
You are so right on many levels. I was just visiting a “friends” blog (reason for quotes, we only know each other through blogging).
He seems to be having some self-doubt on the direction of his blog. Apparently, someone didn’t like the variety of topics. Since he visits me and contributes to my conversation (what little there is), I wanted to let him know that whatever he writes about is OK.
As you said, “I’m not a kid, I’m a people”. And I just wanted him to know that he is appreciated for what he is trying to do.
Joe
Hi Joe,
I look forward to you comment. I can hear your voice behind your words. I’m glad my son could help on this occasion. He’s given me good advice like that all of his life. He may be why I’m so successful. He took me out of the gutter and made me into something–what I am today. 🙂
Liz
Hey Liz,
Sometimes it’s the little things (or people) that make all the difference.
It’s all in hearing what’s actually said.
Joe
Yeah, Joe,
You’re right about that active listening is a skill in itself.
Sometimes I have to remind myself to practice it more.
Liz
Hey Liz,
I wrote a short post regarding this article and my first comment. If it wouldn’t be too much (I know you’re busy), let me know what you think.
Thanks,
Joe
No bother for you, Joe.
I’ll be right over.
Liz
Thanks…
Joe
(musical?)
J.
Yes. Joe.
Language is mathematical, musical. I love the music of the language. You can hear it if you listen for it. Good writers use it. It’s their voice.
Liz
Hey Liz,
I was just over to Jesse’s blog…
Thanks for that, I know he will appreciate it at least as much as I.
Joe
Math was my worst subject, but music and Language were my best.
Go figure.
Thanks, you are the best.
Joe
Hi Joe,
I think our comments caught up in each other an mine got lost. Please make sure that Jesse knows that I meant what I said. He should drop a note if he wants to talk a bit.
As far as math and music goes, they’re not so far apart–especially geometry.
I think you’re pretty special yourself
Liz
Hey Liz,
Jesse’s in Germany, so the time difference is something to consider. I have a feeling he’ll stop by himself.
Music? That’s how I learned my fractions 1/4 notes 1/8 notes…
Joe
Accordian, piano, guitar, bass, drums…
J.
Like those strings do ya!
Exactly! Words work the same way. Syllables go up and down like notes do and have upbeats and downbeats. They also have fractional parts . . .
Poetry is the algebra code of language. No kidding.
Did you learn the accordian beginner’s song “Toeless Joe?” It was my favorite when my big brother was learning the accordian. I used to beg him to play it for me every day.
Liz
As long as I can play a note, I even tried the saxaphone.
Yes to the beginner song, but my aunt always wanted me to play “Sorrento”.
Once I got in the String Bands (a Philly thing), it was always either a polka or Four Leaf Clover.
I learned the other instruments so I could play Rock and Roll… 🙂
But at least now I can add… 😉
Joe
People have the hardest time trying to figure out what kind of music I like. I tell them–music that’s good. Complicated, layered, simple, elegant–almost every genre. Nothing that’s bad.
I can’t believe you know that song. You’re the first person. I’ve ever met who does. “He was quicker on the trigger, but on the draw he was slow.”
Liz
hence… “Toeless Joe” it rhymes. Besides, I have an affinity with the name.
Almost any good lyric rhymes,
but if you can play the music
people can sing
just about anything
that comes to their minds.
OK, that was bad, but pick a tune, and you can make it work.
Joe
See you’ve got the music in your words. It’s a curse. I tell ya. Once it’s there, it will never leave. You’ll hear it even when you’re reading.
The sad thing is that many editors i know can’t hear it. I’d often have to teach them not to edit it out.
Liz
If it’s a curse, so be it…
I like the fact that I can “hear” things that are written. It’s a shame that more people can’t. They could get so much more from the written word.
Maybe, it’s just that we live in a world of instant gratification like watching TV or having an I-Pod, possibly even spell-check, so that they don’t have to think for themselves.
And to think some editors can’t hear what is written.
Sad, so sad…
Joe
Good editors can hear the words . . . don’t get me wrong there. It’s the bad ones who have to learn to.
Yeah it’s sad, especially when they’re working on books for kids.
At least you take an active part in your son’s education by offering good books to his teacher for the whole class.
You are giving a good start to all the students in his class, and hopefully, to future students that have the same teacher.
Now, it’s time to teach them the music (in the words) and next teach them to dance…
Joe
Sing a song to your son tonight, they grow up too fast.
J.
Alas, he already has grown up. He’s finishing his junior year at Georgetown. We did our share of singing, and he writes like is mother does.
Congrats, if he writes like you he has a great future in whatever he plans. He had a good teacher.
My son finished Lehigh U a few years ago, and I guess letting him experiment with my old computer helped. At least I like to think so…
See, I told you they grow up too fast 🙂
Joe
Yeah, Joe,
They sure do grow up fast. And college leaves their parents poor. That’s why I’m still writing at his hour and will be for a while yet. In fact, that’s why you can pretty much always find me on my computer. 😛
He’s a good one. He taught me well. My son did.
Liz
The teachers must have adored you! I know I would have. You were very smart.
I, too, tried to do little things for my children’s teachers and principals as a subtle incentive for the adults to get to know the children better. I also wanted the educators to know they were appreciated.
Your blog is fabulous. This is my first visit. I learned about you on Deb Serani’s blog. Count on me returning. This is such a cool site!
http://mediabysistrunk.blogspot.com
http://dcsistrunk.blogspot.com
Hey Liz,
Don’t forget, you’re the nice one. And sounds like a good mom.
‘Nite. zzzzzzzzzz
Joe
Hi DCS
Thanks for the comment. I appreciate your letting me know how you found out about Successful-Blog. That Doc Serani is a special one. She’s got a lot going for her and her blog.
I hope you do come back and add your voice to the conversation. It gets quiet inside my computer too often. The blogosphere needs more folks who talk.
Liz
Good night Joe,
Sweet Dreams and Sleepy Swell.
The nice one
Mom
A trackback from my site.
Good post, ME. Thanks for sharing.
Scot
Thanks Scot,
Great to hear from you! Glad you liked the post.
Liz