Pleeeasse Don’t Look at Me
I was a painfully shy child. They called me “Bashful.” Pictures of me hiding my face or crying on picture day aren’t hard to find. People looking at me make me very self-conscious. Many folks find that a surprise. I write this post for everyone who is shy.
In the conversation on the last post about self-promotion, GL Hoffman said
I find the best and most engaging way is to tell a brief story that sets up your work.
Gl also left a great link to a post on talking about what you do.
I so agree with what GL says that I’m going to tell you a story about telling stories. This is the reason that most folks don’t think I’m shy.
The Story about Telling Stories
My son was also a painfully shy child. He didn’t like people looking at him. When other young children were saying “Hi!” He was a child like I had been — hiding or being uncooperative about such things. Then one day, when he was about thirteen, I noticed a change in his behavior. He had suddenly become entertaining.
That day at work I spoke to a close friend about it. “You know my son has finally found a way to deal with the world. He gets entertaining, telling stories about what he wants to say rather than actually saying it. It’s so interesting. The shift is slight, but I can see it. By doing that he makes so that people are looking at him telling a story, they’re not actually looking at him — who he is.”
My friend Peg said, “Gee, I wonder where he got that from.”
“Guilty. I don’t mind if you look at my work. I think it’s fine if you watch me teach, or speak, or explain something I know. But I sure get self-conscious if I think you are looking at me.”
That’s why GL’s advice is particularly strong.
If you’re self-conscious about self-promoting, explain what you do by telling a story. Then people will be listening to the story and seeing the storyteller in you.
It works. I’ve been doing it since I was 13 too.
–Me “Liz” Strauss
Related
Self Promotion: A Winning Answer Every Time ââ¬â Why is That?
Shameless Self-Promotion: What Makes It Shameless?
Self-Promotion: How I Learned to Stop Shooting Myself in the Foot
Liz, I love this post. It’s for all of us who’ve been in that space. As I read, I flashed back to my first months on the job as a new college dean, and learning that I had to give a speech to hundreds upon hundreds at first-year student orientation. I would almost have preferred to be shot. A colleague who noticed my fretting gave me the same advice…start with a story you can tell from your heard. I did and have never looked back.
For those of you — can there really be people out there who would do this? — who might doubt Liz’s wisdom, I can solidly echo it!
So love your stuff, Liz, and so miss being able to check in regularly while busy with work. But can’t wait to see you all in May!
Tammy
Hey Tammy,
It’s probably the same for you. I can’t imagine you in that position. Thank you so much for sharing that story. We’re all there at some point I suppose.
I do so look forward to seeing you too! 🙂
I know…everyone thinks I’m a huge extrovert because my entire professional life has been in high visibility people-oriented jobs–which I love. But I had to cultivate comfort with public speaking and the like…thank goodness I was forced to! And after a long extroverted day of mediating or training or the like, when I come home, Rod knows darn well that he shouldn’t plan a big night out with lots of friends. I need to crawl into a corner and rejuvenate quietly!
How do you rejuvenate when you’ve had to stretch your naturally shy self?
HI Tammy,
Sometimes, when I can catch myself soon enough, I find a book and read as long as I might. Sometimes I close my eyes and look at the pictures my right brain serves up. If I need to I call a friend who likes to talk. 🙂
I often look for things that don’t involve words of any kind at all. Or I listen to music that takes me Zen sailing. 🙂
I wish I had learned as young as your son, Liz. Painfully shy was one way to describe me when I was young. I didn’t really start to get over it until I had children. It’s hard to be introverted when you’re a male changing your child’s diaper in a public area with women around.
Like Tammy, my career has centered around working with other people – not a natural fit for an introvert. When I did the training for a former employer the technique of using stories to make myself more comfortable and put across a point came more and more naturally. They help you stop thinking about you and start thinking about what you’re doing.
Hi Rick,
Shy is not a lack of things it’s an overabundance of perception, I think. That’s what makes me get distracted and self-conscious.
Well put about how stories help you to stop thinking about yourself and think about what you’re doing. Exactly.
Thanks for this comment Rick.
I’d ask you to write about telling stories that don’t backfire, but the answer to that question can pretty much be found in this series. (:
Hey, it cut off my last sentence. 🙁 It was:
You are making me think way too much these days. -j
Hey John,
I’ll go light tomorrow, I promise. Pictures and everything!
Hi Liz, I am beginning to think that creative people are the most shy.
I can deal with being shy knowing that my public exposure is going to be temporary. Solitude is a welcome stranger for me.
Hi Carma Dutra!
I don’t know that creativity makes us shy. I know it makes us used to being misunderstood.
I didn’t mean that creativity makes us shy. I should have said that many creative people tend to be shy.
I think shyness is a character trait that matures as we mature. I was always shy when growing up and didn’t come out of it until after high school.
I think there is a correlation between shyness and self-promotion.
Hi Carma Dutra!
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply that creativity makes us shy or to sound flippant about it. Shy isn’t fun no matter how we got there.
I think the correlation is between shyness and perception. Shy folks seem to hear or know what folks might be thinking.
All of us, I think, get shy about self-promotion, because we were raised not to “toot our own horns.” So it would make sense that shyness and self-promotion, as you said, go together. My point is to help us understand how to unrecord those tape recordings in our heads. It’s okay to be great at what we do — we just need to remember that other people are listening when we talk, and that person might feel less if we don’t consider who they are and how they feel.
Liz,
Great advice for bloggers and non-bloggers alike. Way to live the brand! 😉
BillRay (just noticed it was the default on this computer)
Hi billRay,
thank you for the compliment. . . . but what did you just notice was the default on your computer?
This subject could really go deep. When a young child is labled as being shy, their self esteem could suffer as well.
Didn’t John say “You make me think too much” 🙂
In my writing, I am working hard to stay in tune with how my words affect other people.
Hi Carma Dutra,
I promise thinking won’t hurt. I only have the best and most curious intentions.
I write too. It shouldn’t be hard to write without guile. Folks who look to be hurt will be hurt no matter what we write. If we are gentle with the truth, our own truth, then they can take it where it stands. Write for the music of the language. Music calms the savage beast.
If Liz didn’t take “you make me think way too much” as a compliment, then I’m the one having trouble with words. 😀
That’s a capital B, and I meant the name BillRay.
John, Liz’s evil plot to rule the world involves making us all think way too much way too often. Apparently she thinks it’s a legitimate blogging strategy, but I’m keeping an eye on her just in case…
Mike
John,
I think every thing you say to me is a compliment. 🙂
You’re a thinker and I so enjoy everything you say.
Mike,
Darn, you caught me . . . my thinking to rule the world. Curses foiled.
I should have known never to let you and John talk to each other. I’m foiled. I need to plot in a whole new direction. hmmmm
Mike, you’ve given me hope – I thought I was the ONLY ONE WHO KNEW.
(Also, let me take this opportunity to compliment you on your choice of SOB badge colors. While all the colors are excellent, the deep cyan is clearly ascendant.)
Liz, thank you. 🙂 I’m still expecting light reading + pictures tomorrow, however.
John,
Mike is into productive irreverence, or is it irreverent productivity? It’s one of the reasons he’s allowed here. 🙂
I should tell you that though the teal is truly the most outstanding color, when I switched it for the purple, I got lots more traffic . . . but then it is my traffic.
I’m working on the pictures and light reading. 🙂
Morning all.
Anyone any ideas how to ‘translate’ these great tips for a bi-lingual person who loves telling stories, but needs to do this every Wednesday morning in 60 seconds?
Love to be able to tell a good story within that time-phrame to ‘self-promote’ our business to 35 – 40 other businesses around the breakfast table.
Writing it down and reading it out loud doesn’t make it a ‘lively’ story, but I’m always ‘afraid’ I mesh up the language (Dutch origin , living and working in the UK).
Hi karin!
I never write down stories. I only write the story map. Sometimes I use key words only. Sometimes I use sentences — especially if I want to get the dialogue just right. It’s like any oral history — Every story that you tell is true, even the ones that are not. 🙂
Hi Liz
I know, but ‘fear’ of language mistakes (and the 60 seconds doesn’t help!) seems to make it easier to read my story. Until I actually do and feel/hear myself failing to get the story across.
Sorry, Karin,
I misunderstood. In that case, this is how I would do it. I would choose a generic story that is one of your favorite events/accomplisments. Then I would work with a friend who knew language to get the introduction I describe below and that story to a fluent level.
When the time came to tell it, I would explain my discomfort with the language and say that out of respect for folks who ask the question and because I care so much about giving a clear and fluent answer, I have worked with a friend to get really good at expressing one story so that we would have a place to start. Then I would tell the story, edning with some reference to the fact that I believe that we would be able to make our through any other questions now that we had the same foundation of information.
Is that what you’re thinking of?
Hi Liz
Thanks, I know where you’re coming from and I have tried this way on various occasions (and it works well I can say).
It’s just the 60 seconds fact that ‘gets me’ everytime (think of ‘elevator-pitch’, but an elevator you have to stand in every Wednesday morning, pitching a different story every week ;-))
Oh, hold on! Just thought of something from the other topic on this: three ‘main’ lines, I should use that more!
Thanks again 😉
Hi Karin,
I would work with a coach in the language, who could get you to three or four sentences and three or four questions.
When someone poses a question .. . use a question to clarify exactly what they are asking. Then give your 60 seconds. That’s the best workaround if you can squeeze in the extra question. 🙂
Isn’t the blogosphere funny? While talking here about shyness, self-promotion and story – lines, a recent ‘encounter’ with another blogger (Mark McGuinness) landed me on a very interesting (old) post of himn about confidence versus enthusiasm.
Thought I’d share it:
http://www.wishfulthinking.co.uk/blog/2006/11/24/5-reasons-why-enthusiasm-is-better-than-confidence/
Another ‘tool’ to help telling (or perhaps even ‘selling’) stories
Hi Karin!
That is something special. I think you’re becoming my mentor. 🙂
Thank you for sharing Mark’s link. We know he knows the stuff he writes about. 🙂
Hey…I love this topic. I do a lot of presenting to venture capitalists…being a start up guy, I am always looking for investors. For far too many years, I would take the business school approach, and make my presentation soooooo professional. Now, I simply tell a story about customers.
I find it engages the VC person much more rapidly…maybe it is due to the passion they can then see in me?
But again, i do think it is worth repeating that the story teller does not have to be a Garrsion keillor type either. Just a simple this happened, then this happened, is often enough to gain engagement. If you can introduce a bit of mystery too…wwow, you are home free…” I woke up
and the cold floor was colder than normal, but i still went downstairs to eat breakfast, wondering why the floor was so cold….
(there is no point to this simple example, but to show how easy it is to take a BORING example…and introduce a little mystery.
http://blogs.jobdig.com/wwds
How do you get so many people to comment? Must be your smiling face…I have a theory on smiling faces too…a recent post on my blog…
Hi GL!
Thanks for adding and enhancing a post that you already inspired. It’s fun to collaborate this way. I hope to get to know you even better.
You’re not a stranger anymore. 🙂
Ah GL,
You are clever enough to know it’s more than a smiling face. 🙂
I’m not sure about ‘being shy.’
I used to think that I was a shy person, but lately, I’m starting to question that.
Am I shy or am I egoistic?
Isn’t it always about me, me, me? Why is the ‘me’ so important, anyway? Why should anyone think about me, pass judgement about me, look at how I’m dressed, check to see if I’m balding?
Am I so self-centered that I think the whole world revolves around me?
Suddenly, to me, the concept of shyness takes on a new meaning. Come to think of it, I’m not sure if I’m shy or egoistic — or plain scared of the world.
I question if ‘scared’ means the same as ‘shy.’ But then again it becomes more complicated. One is ‘scared’ of the dark, not ‘shy’ about it.
Back to the topic, I know some ‘extroverts’ who are also loners. After reading this post, I think I can see why in a much better perspective.
Thanks, Liz.
Hi RK,
Welcome!
I’m dying to write a post now called, “Who Put the ME in Self-Conscious?” I follow your logic. It’s my logic too. I use the same logic to help me get over such situations — turn the way I think into a new view and move me to action.
Thanks for taking the time to share this comment. It’s thought, revealing, insightful and helpful to remember. 🙂
“Who put the ME in Self-Conscious?” ? That would be a great post, Liz.
By ‘great’, I mean anything that offers a brand new and refreshing perspective on matters that are seemingly ordinary and taken for granted.
Like your original post; it shows a way to handle shyness. The attitude of most people is to jump to a conclusion that a person is ‘shy’ and an ‘introvert’, and that can have a profound impact on an impressionable mind like that of a 13-year old. It might even impose a mental block, which could be so difficult in the adolescent years to break out of.
I’d say the ME in the Self-Conscious could be very much due to hyper thinking and analysis. A teenager, more than anyone else, is probably thinking of and weighing a hundred different parameters all at the same time. If there’s any confusion in that process, he or she might tend to stack up their ideas within themselves, and the result is that he or she is not sure about anything.
This undecideness or ‘fear’ could lead to ‘shyness’ — and the ME in self-conscious. Beacuse, “I’m the only one who is not sure. It’s ME.”
Just a thought here. Maybe I’m wrong.
Boy, RK, if you’re wrong then I’m way there with you. You just totally described what I do in those last two paragraphs. Whoa! Do I have a story for Monday . . . Thank you!! It’s both funny and telling. How I confused the heck out of myself with too much thinking. 🙂