I’ve been working on a special project with Kristi Daeda, an awesome friend, writer, and career counselor. Our project will take many forms for people working on true trust and business relationships. Right now we’re working on breaks in our trust and world view. We’ve named them structure damage.

What Is Structure Damage?

It can happen when the world seems most in order. Suddenly, without warning, someone or something pulls the rug out of from under us. Trusting what’s next can be hard.

Structure damage occurs when we are faced with a change that we’re not prepared to deal with. The change can be big or small, it can occur in our professional lives or our personal lives, it can be something that happens to us or something that we realize or decide that changes the way we see the world.

Not every change causes structure damage. Structure damage is when change moves us into that fight-or-flight mode, impacting our emotions, behavior or worldview. The change doesn’t have to represent a threat, it only has to be perceived as one.

If you want to catch the situation before it gets out of hand, get in touch with what’s normal for you, and what’s abnormal. If you’re experiencing any of the following, you might be suffering from a shaking foundation.

• Stress that you can’t pinpoint the source of. It doesn’t go away when the project’s done or when you’re away from work.
• An emotional reaction that’s out of step with the situation, like snapping at a coworker.
• Taking things personally.
• Feeling like you don’t know what the next step is to move forward.
• Irrational fear, confusion, or distress.
• Questioning your current situation or future path.
• A feeling of powerlessness.

In high-stress situations, you may also experience physiological effects — things like your heart pounding, difficulty focusing, or headaches.

If you normally feel confident and in control, dramatic swings from even keel are a sign that something’s up. That’s your opportunity to ask yourself why you’re feeling the way that you are. Start working backwards — when did you start feeling this way? Did something trigger that change? What about that trigger situation upset you? Keep tracking, and you might be able to find the source — the body blow.

How to minimize the impact

Cultivate flexibility … a few words from Kristi …

Most people think of bridges as static structures. Concrete and steel, built to weather all manner of abuse. But bridges have hinges and joints. They flex and sway in the wind. Their components are engineered to not only be strong enough to bear the weight of traffic, but also to bend to carry the weight of traffic and respond to the elements. It’s this flexibility that allows this giant machine to function, bearing the impact, working with the conditions.

Growing up, my definition of a successful life was to pursue an education, get a job in a traditionally respected, intellectual, moderately lucrative field, get married, have kids, and buy a house in the suburbs. I had a few gifts to bring to the table, but perhaps one of the most notable was my ability in math and science. It was a natural progression to consider engineering as a field.

When I got to college, I struggled with my classes. Not because I wasn’t capable, but because I couldn’t motivate myself to do the work. For someone who has never had a shortage of drive, this was unsettling. What was wrong with me? I ended up frustrated, confused. I tried to reconcile my definition of success with what I was feeling every day — that I was on the wrong path.

My entire worldview — the plan I had laid out for myself, the rules that I lived by — was on very shaky ground.

The structure damage I experienced was to my understanding of success.

There’s a difference between being in control and being prepared. Being prepared allows you to create a platform for success as you’ll be ready to deal with most issues that come your way. The effort to be in control can only lead to frustration — the world is so large, and your span of control is really miniscule in comparison.

• Let go of your master plan. The least predictive question still asked in job interviews is this: where do you see yourself in five years? At the pace the world is moving, it’s difficult to predict where you’ll be in five months. We resist change mostly because in order to accept change, we have to relinquish control. We like to have things in order, buttoned up all the time. It’s why we’re so into productivity and time management — helps us build systems to keep things from falling through the cracks. But some of the best things in our lives come when we’re completely out of control. How would your energy change if you didn’t have to push for a specific result all the time, racing across the stream or upstream, and instead went with the flow? Chances are you’ll get to as good or better of an outcome, with a lot less paddling.
• Look for the opportunity. Practice this skill. When something comes your way that’s unexpected, ask yourself — what doors are open now that weren’t before? It may take a few minutes to shake off your initial reaction, but after that, take a minute and answer the question. It doesn’t do you any good to focus on the paths that have closed to you. Keep yourself focused on how you can move forward.
• Challenge yourself to succeed. Adapting to change is a verifiable skill. If you can bounce back from a layoff, create a positive lifestyle after divorce, or even change your agenda when all the players aren’t in place, it’s an accomplishment. Dealing with change is such a valuable skill in the business world that there’s an entire area of specialization — Change Management — just for people who can facilitate it well. So aim to make your reaction to change a badge of honor. It’s a badge that will serve you well.

We’ve all found ourselves in a situation where someone or something has moved what we believe. Winners take up the gauntlet and find a new set of rules.

How do you recover when structure damage strikes where you live?

–ME “Liz” Strauss and Kristi Daeda
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