Successful Blog

How to Be Bigger than Fear and Get on with Success

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FDR Was Right

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When I told the story of my mom yesterday, friends and colleagues commented on my courage — courage in telling my mother’s story, courage in putting down my cigarettes, courage in sharing out loud what might be choices that other folks don’t see as I do. I wasn’t afraid to tell the story. I had already lived it. It was true.

The thought kept occurring to me that every time people have accused me of courage has been a time when in my mind I saw no other option, a time when my answer to act was the only right answer I could see.

I don’t know that I know much about courage. Rare has been the moment that I had to muster up the nervous energy to take on a cause that I didn’t believe or to face a giant who would crush me to smithereens.

What I know about in these years of taking on the responsibilities of a family, a mortgage, a business, and decisions that would affect other people’s incomes is more what I’ve learned about fear.

And what I’ve learned about fear is that FDR was right.
And that understanding fear is the key to success in business and in life.

Be Irresistible and Fear-Less

We’re facing times not unlike those that followed the Great American Depression. If history repeats itself, it’s worth paying attention to what happened then, when my dad started his business, when FDR gave his First Inaugural Address and said …

This is preeminently the time to speak the truth, the whole truth, frankly and boldly. Nor need we shrink from honestly facing conditions in our country today. This great Nation will endure as it has endured, will revive and will prosper. So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.

FDR’s words resonate for me. In times of learning to build a business, in past worries of whether I’d be able to pay the rent, fear was the enemy that tried to undo me.
Fear of failure.
Fear of losing.
Fear of doing nothing and doing the wrong thing.
Fear that I might spend a life telling the truth to everyone, but lying to myself.

Fear of finding my best efforts not enough paralyzed me. Fear of commitment enticed me into procrastination. Fear that the world I believed in and the person I was might not exist confused all of my decisions.

Carrying that fear wherever I went was a burden bigger than any one person could manage.
Slowly that fear broke down the integrity of the person carrying it.
Fear made me give away what I valued as if it were worthless.
Fear made me think that givers never get and getters forget.

Survival instinct says if the situation isn’t paying off, it’s a good time to move.
Fear wasn’t getting me anywhere.
I didn’t like where I was or what I saw around me.
I didn’t like the kind of people my fear attracted.
I didn’t much like myself.

I sat down and did the math.
I figured out that fear and trust don’t exist in the same space.
I looked my fear in the face and waited for it to devour me, crush me, embarrass me, or shun me.
It didn’t.

I studied my successes. I saw that I’d never carried fear into my success. I’d always gone in knowing I would be, do, and achieve what was needed to finish ahead. It wasn’t that I was stronger, better, or particularly more clever. It was that it crossed my mind that another option existed, except to come out ahead.

I calmly decided I was better than any fear I could dream up.
I knew that I could out breathe any fear and build something better instead.

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
— the Litany Against Fear from Frank Herbert’s Book Dune:

I don’t know much about courage.
I know enough about fear to watch it, learn from it, and let it pass.
Like the litany says I let it pass over me and through me until only I remain.
Fear can’t stop me from telling the hard truth gently, pursuing a quest I believe in, or trusting in myself.
And I’ve learned to recognize my friends by how fearlessly they won’t allow me to fail.

If “nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes” has become a problem in your business or your life, breathe deep. Speak the truth. Trust your instincts. Believe in who you are. And surround yourself with people who will fight you for the right to not let you fail.

Be irresistible. Be fear-less.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz on your business!!

When My Mom Died and Who Saved My Life

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When My Mom Died

Please know that no one asked me to write this blog post.
This story is mine and no one could buy it … not even my son, a client, and a friend who saved my life.

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I always thought it was very cool that I was the same age when I had my son as my mother was when she had me. That meant the whole time he was growing up I could look at him and look me and think “Oh, so when I was his age this how old my mom was.” It gave me a new kind of perspective on my life and hers.

Maybe that was more important to me because we never had that close mother-daughter thing, though I think we both tried. I was never quite sure I belonged. She could never quite connect to my dots.

I had followed a girl baby who had lived nine days before she died. The longer I live, the longer I try to understand what that loss must have been, the more I realize it would have to be inside our relationship — how could it not?

As much as I’m like my father, anyone who knew my mother would say I am her too. Yet, all through my teens and twenties I went out of my way to deny any similarity. She kind of did too. Whenever anyone would remark on how much my face is hers, she would say I look like my father.

So, because my mom smoked BOTH filterless and menthol cigarettes — she kept a pack of each in three strategic places: in her purse, on the kitchen table, and by her place in the living room — I made it a point never to go near a cigarette.

Then when I was 25, I was living with a keyboard player in a rock band — which meant whole weekends in smoke-filled bars with smokers. We often become what we look at most. I became a weekend smoker.

Ironically, a few months later my mom was diagnosed with oat cell carcinoma — the fastest growing cancer they said. It started in her lungs and moved up to her brain. There was no point in her giving up her cigarettes.

The first week that I visited her in the hospital, she kept telling me to go back to work. My boss said stay with her.
The second week, she started ordering foods I like from the hospital menus so that she could share.
The third week, we started telling real stories about ourselves.
One afternoon she said …

You know, you were the best thing that ever happened to me. I went into the hospital to have one baby and three years later I came home with you. You saved my life. I love you.

That short speech recast the entire story of my life.
It was also the first time, I heard her say, “I love you.”

We had that conversation and others like it over a cigarette. I was 26 when she died … the same age my son is now.

Who Saved My Life

My son doesn’t smoke, but until 3 weeks ago I still did. And for a while I’ve been thinking that …

If history repeats itself this could be the last year my son would see me alive.

… I wondered whether my son was thinking that too.

Then a few weeks after my son’s 26th birthday, he and I were having a conversation with Angel Djambazov at SOBCon NW. We talked late into the night about everything from movie scenes to chocolate to Dungeons & Dragons. I asked Angel to tell my son about how he met John Cameron — Hollywood executive and younger brother of James Cameron [Avatar, Titanic]. John had hired Angel to work with an impressive team on a product called the SafeCig.

In the course of that conversation, Angel explained the tobacco-less electronics, the delivery of nicotine in water vapor without acetone, carbon monoxide, tar, ash etc, and offered to send me a sample. What flavor would I like? My son and I engaged in the idea of choosing between spicy, sweet, woody, and one other. My son offered his mischievous take on which would most fit my personality and why. The repartee was both fun and affectionate. Angel said, “I’ll send you more than one. See if you like it.”

I did.

Then I met John at BlogWorldExpo and immediately took to him as well.

I was already using SafeCig. I had already decided to work with him. But after hearing his stories, I realized his cause is mine. He’s client and a friend, but that’s not why I’m telling you this story.

I’m telling you because I believe my son, John, and Angel saved my life.

My son is delighted that I have removed those carcinogens from my life.
And every time I think of him, my mother, or the rest of my life, I am too.

If you have a story, please share it.
If you want to lose your tobacco or know someone who does … watch, like, and share John’s YouTube conversation about it.
If you that’s not you either, you can always go read The Top 10 Ways to Start Living Your Life.

Be irresistible and stay alive.

Liz

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If you want to know more of John’s story and why he decided to do this …

If you want to know how the device works, this is the one …

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–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz on your business!!

Beach Notes: Don’t Wait for Perfect!

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by Guest Writers Suzie Cheel and Des Walsh

The state of Queensland, in which this picture was taken, has a tourism-attracting slogan describing it as “beautiful one day, perfect the next”.

Nice slogan, but there are cloudy days and even here at the world-famous Snapper Rocks break, sometime there are not many waves to speak of.

But these keen surfers were not put off by either the cloudy sky or the lack of big waves.

Are you waiting for cloudless skies and a perfect swell for your business to take off?

Every day is perfect for business.

Suzie Cheel & Des Walsh

How to Stand Out From the Talent Around You

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A Guest Post by
Joel Garfinkle

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We’ve all seen it happen: A promising worker is promoted to a higher level, or moves to a larger town with a deeper talent pool. Many times, this worker is used to success, and was able to stand out in her old job thanks to raw talent and natural intelligence. It was easier for her to stand out, and without really putting out that much effort.

As she moves up in the world, though, she finds the competition getting tougher and tougher. Her skills are developing, sure – but now it is extremely difficult for her to stand out from her peers. It can be a tough adjustment to make.

Moving On Up

A lot of people can relate to that feeling in the corporate world. Working closely with the very top people in your profession is the best way to up your game. But the better the people you work with, the more difficult it will be to stand out as a star player.

It’s not going to be enough to master the details of your job description. If you’re on the all-star team, everyone is a master of their own position. To stand out from the crowd, you need to master the non-technical aspects of your job – starting with yourself. Here are 6 ways to do just that.

  1. Study great leaders. As you move up the ranks of responsibility, you may place less emphasis on being an expert at the technical aspects of your old job. Identify leaders you admire – and read everything you can about them. If they wrote books on leadership, so much the better. This will help you rise above the all-star players, to become a team captain.
  2. Learn to delegate. This is very difficult for technical experts to do. But to make the transition from player to leader, you must grasp that a manager can only excel through the efforts of others. Give clear directions, and help your people grow and shine.
  3. Learn new skill sets. Perhaps being a great trial attorney, or a great salesperson got you accepted to a fantastic team. But that’s not enough to keep you there, and it won’t be enough to get you to the next level. As you move up, you must learn entirely new sets of information. You may need to learn the rules for hiring, disciplining and firing people. You may need to become an accounting expert, where you weren’t one before. Some people may not be able to transition to working at a new level, mistakenly thinking their old skill sets and natural talent will carry them through. They will almost always be limited.
  4. Learn time and project management. Yes, there is no substitute for character when it comes to leadership. But all the character in the world will not save you if you cannot use your team members’ time wisely. Part of being a leader is mastering the skills of time management and organizational communication.
  5. Be the one with the plan. You don’t have to be the biggest, fastest, strongest or even the smartest person on the team to be a stand-out. You can be the one with the plan. Be the one others look to when things are confused or when the situation is vague. The two key components to master when it comes to any project: The timeline, and the priority of work.Master these two things, making sure they are tied in effectively with management’s goals at least two levels up, and you cannot help but be a stand-out.
  6. Be the ethical standard bearer. This is difficult but vital. You may not be the best technician in your office. But you can be the professional who insists on things being done right – who doesn’t take short cuts, and who maintains a commitment to excellence and integrity, even when no one is looking. In the long run, this will pay great dividends for you and for the organization you will soon be tapped to lead.

The fact is, if your peers are challenging you, and forcing you to do better than what you used to think of as your best, and you are still not managing to rise above the crowd yet – that’s not a terrible sign. Don’t get discouraged, because your colleagues’ and competitor’s skill and talent are going to rub off on you. It takes time and effort, but it will happen. In the meantime, If you apply yourself, and master the elements of your profession that lie beyond your immediate, current job description and conduct yourself as a leader, you will almost certainly achieve great success. Go do great things.

How do you stand out as the professional you are?
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Author’s Bio: JOEL A. GARFINKLE is recognized as one of the top 50 coaches in the U.S., having worked with many of the world’s leading companies. He is the author of seven books, including Getting Ahead: Three Steps to Take Your Career to the Next Level. View his books and FREE articles at Garfinkle Executive Coaching. Subscribe to his Fulfillment@Work E-mail newsletter and receive the FREE e-book, 40 Proven Strategies to Get Promoted Now!”

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz on your business!!

Are Your Customers Embedded?

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A Guest Post by
Rosemary ONeill

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Last week, my husband and I went out to eat at a new restaurant. It was obviously a family-owned affair. While we were waiting for our food, a guy appeared out of the kitchen hoisting aloft a plate of hot wings. He said, “these are for anyone who wants to try them.” Of course, I had to try them, and they were excellent.

I asked the guy what they were called. He said, “I don’t know, they don’t have a name yet, what do you suggest?” I laughingly said, “call them Rosemary’s Wings!” He said, “we just might do that.”

Do you think I might be curious to revisit that restaurant to see whether my wings are on the menu? You bet. And if they are, do you think I’m likely to return again and again? Yessiree.

That restaurant has the same opportunity all business owners have—to literally embed customers in the business. At my company, we’ve had a long-standing tradition of making little gestures that weave customers into our daily work; naming features after them, using their names on documentation, hiding “Easter Eggs” in the code, and thanking them for suggestions that lead to new software features.

Once a customer has been “embedded,” they have a feeling of investment that is very hard to break, as if your business is their personal project.

What are you doing to make it personal? Is there a small crazy gesture you can make that will earn you a customer-for-life?

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Author’s Bio: Rosemary O’Neill is an insightful spirit who works for social strata — a top ten company to work on the Internet. Check out their blog. You can find her on Twitter as @rhogroupee

How to Recognize and Recover When You’ve Started Believing Your Own PR

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The Universe Falls Out of Balance …

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Communities grow and change. We do too. It would be unrealistic to expect that a community of people would stay static. Would we really want it to? It would be hard for us to grow, innovate, and build new things without the dynamic change of a community’s ebb and flow.

But it’s a sad and serious thing when a community starts to lose the energy and interest that made it a community. It’s even sadder when that happens just as things start going good.

It can happen to anyone — you, me, our best friends. We’re on a team and a great thing happens! We get some applause and attention! New “friends and followers” start showing up and new opportunities start appearing. Strangers start joining in the fun. Then, our favorite people quit showing up.

What? Right when things start going good, the good ones start going?
Really … well, sometimes yes.

But you can bet it’s not them, its us.
When that happens more often than not, we’ve quit thinking about the community and they’ve noticed.

When the world starts to revolve around us, people move away and the universe flies out of balance.

How to Recognize and Recover When You’ve Started Believing Your Own PR

In the fray and frolic of good things happening, we can grow faster than fast. Networks explode and bandwidth becomes slim. All at once, a mother lode of new expectations and rewards are sitting within reach. Possibilities and potential are right there, but … they require new discipline and focus.

People don’t decide to make the world revolve around them. People decide to take the new work, the new calling seriously. We forget that if we focus too hard on the work, we can make it more important than the people the work is meant to serve. Most of us would be embarrassed to think we ever did. Most of the people we know won’t tell us if that’s the road we’ve landed on.

So, how do you recognize and recover when you’ve made yourself the center of the universe? How do you win back the folks who’ve decided that you’ve gone to the dark side of believing your own PR?

  1. When you ask people about their business, their life, their goals, does everything they say come back to a story about you? People who live in the center of the universe are self-focused. Name an event from the Big Bang to a cat that had kittens. People in the center can easily tell you how it proves or illustrates something about them. To recover: Care more about why someone is telling you a story than what you might have to say in response.
  2. Do you have the same conversation with everyone? If you’re bringing the same story to every conversation, you’re not considering the person who is listening. Folks like to talk about beautiful ideas and compelling stories — things worth sharing. Conversations are meant to be an exchange. To recover: Listen more than you talk. Give people a chance to ask how you are and they’ll be more inclined to care.
  3. Have people stopped listening when you talk? It’s the Boy Who Cried Wolf. Folks figure out that people in center of the universe are stuck inside the stories they tell. They don’t bother, because they know a person has to want to leave the center of the universe. To recover: Find the rewards for being part of the world where everyone interacts and come back.
  4. Does it seem like people only want, want, want? Do you feel surrounded by people who take and people who feel sorry for themselves? Misery loves company. Winners form a circle. To recover:Wire your head back to your heart. Be the kind of person you admire and want as a friend and supporter.

We don’t need to “believe our own PR,” when we really know who we are.

Success is about helping other folks reach their goals.

The universe does fine without us — the people we serve are the reason to be us.

Be irresistible.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz on your business!!

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