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Love Closure or More Possibilities? How to Best Balance Your Ps and Js

August 23, 2011 by Liz

Not Everyone Thinks the Same Way

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It came about because I’d had time to read a book called Please Understand Me. Character and Temperament Types by David Kersey. The book discussed the personality differences that were described by the four pairs of preferences defined in the Myers-Briggs Personality type Indicator. The book led me to champion the idea that the whole editorial department might benefit from a Myers-Briggs workshop. Approval came. All 30 or so of us took the personality test and about a week later we met offsite with a trained administrator who had scored our results but hadn’t shared them.

By way of background, the Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator identifies which are your preferences in four pairs of trait behaviors.

  • I or E:
    Introverts prefer to work out their solutions alone, thinking through their thoughts before speaking.
    Extroverts prefer to work out their solutions with others, talking through their thoughts to see what they’re thinking.
  • N or S:
    iNtutive people prefer to go with their “gut feeling,” the whole of the information — the rightness or wrongness of what they understand internally.
    Sensory people prefer to go with the empirical data, the facts of the sights, sounds, tastes, touch, and smell and what those facts reveal.
  • T or F
    Thinkers prefer to interact via information.
    Feelers prefer to interact via emotions.
  • J or P
    Judgers prefer decisions. They value closure.
    Perceivers prefer multiple options. They value the possibilities in every situation.

The documentation and studies make it clear that every person has all 8 traits. The test measures which in each pair is an individual’s preferred way of interacting with other people and information — sort of the default setting, the one we go to when we’re left to our own devices, in a crisis, or designing our own situation. I thought was that it might bring home the reality that …

we can’t assume others think the same way we do.

Plan a Vacation

The facilitator set up activities that used used each trait pair to underscore the differences in outcomes that occur when we approach a task with different preferred ways of thinking. We were unaware of which trait we had when the task was assigned. Some tasks had mixed preference groups. Some had a group that wa all of one preference. The most memorable task and lesson for me was when she asked two groups to plan a vacation.

She assigned us to two groups by name. We didn’t now at the time, but one group was the Ps — those who value possibilities — and the other was the Js — those who value closure. She gave us about 20 minutes for planning then asked us to report back. The reports from each group were something like this.

I suspect it was purposeful that she had the Js report first.

The J Vacation

The Js had decided that they would go to Europe for precisely 21 days. They knew which countries they would visit in which order and how many days they would be staying in which country. They also knew which sites were on the list to visit in each country. Assignments had been made. Every member of the group knew his or her role. Assignments included: transportation, lodging, tickets to venues and sites, special meals in each city, even collection of emergency documents and numbers.

The Ps started snickering as we listened to the Js report. The reason for our delight was evident when our turn came.

The P Vacation

In the same amount of time, the Ps had decide to meet up in Taos, New Mexico and hang there for a while doing whatever we liked from a whole list of possibilities. The list of possibilities was quite impressive. Then those who wanted to could go on to visit the Caribbean — one island or more, and those who wanted to stay in New Mexico could.

As you might notice, the two groups had significantly different reports. What you might not fully appreciate is that both groups were quite pleased with their results.

How to Balance Your Ps and Js

The task was so well chosen that whenever I tell the story people have no problem deciding which group defines their preference. More importantly, the way we frustrate each other becomes apparent. .

Imagine a project team with an equal number of Ps and Js. While Ps are trying desperately to leave all of the options open, the Js are pushing fervently to get to a decision. Both groups are so intent on their preferred way of thinking, it can be hard to see the value of the other. Yet a team of all Ps would get lost or get nowhere and a team of all Js would miss out on many options that could raise their game. Here are some ways to best balance the value of your Ps and Js.

  • Make a no closure rule during brainstorming. Brainstorming is where Ps excel. Give them the room to explore all of the options safely without the need to justify leaving the door open. Suggest Js brainstorm several starting points as a way to work to their strengths.
  • Separate the two groups when problem solving. Ask the Ps to limit their options to three actionable solutions. Ask the Js to get past their first solution to two more that would work as well as the first.
  • In project planning, use your Ps and Js in different roles. Invite Ps to conceptualize, ideate, and sketch out new ideas and processes. Ask Js to pinpoint how those ideas might take form and how those processes might work in action.

Let both groups know how the dynamic tension between their preferences supports and complements each other making the team stronger. After all, without the flexibility of a P it would be hard to respond to a disaster and without the structure of J wasted time could be a real problem.

Which are you and how do you value the other in your business?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz on your business!!

Buy the Insider’s Guide to Online Conversation.

Filed Under: Community, Inside-Out Thinking, Successful Blog Tagged With: bc, LinkedIn, management, relationships

Please Don’t Ask Before You Say Hello and Another 9 Don’ts

June 14, 2011 by Liz

Lead with Relationships

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Again this week, I got an email from someone who doesn’t know me, who wanted to engage my network in her cause. This post is about that one email exchange that exemplified too many don’ts in my inbox.

I’m a person, not a network. And my network is made up friends and colleagues I respect. I value them. I treasure them. I trust them. I know I can’t replace them. I don’t give, share, or sell their attention to people I don’t know. So please …

1. Don’t Ask for Things Before We Know Each Other

Any person who takes the shortest while to follow me online knows that I’m a giver and I love to support my friends. Any person who takes a second longer also knows that

I want a relationship not a one-link stand.

What that means is that I want to get to know you before I recommend you or share what you do with my friends.

2. Don’t Ask for My Network

I’m writing because I’ve identified you as someone who is part of a networking empire that is basically unstoppable, and a major online influencer when it comes to what people are thinking and feeling and doing.

Translation: I want to use your network because my own isn’t big enough to reach my goal.

In itself that’s not a bad strategy to ask a friend to reach out to her network. But the relationship — the friendship and the trust — needs to be there first. This someone saw me as a channel of distribution, not a person. She wasn’t really looking at aligning our goals.

3. Don’t Assume Your Mission Is My Mission

The next five paragraphs were about her, her mission, and why her mission is important to her. Aside from describing their philosophy and stating that I lived it, the mission itself wasn’t very clear. Neither was why I should invest in it.

4. Don’t Lie by Omission

I got curious to find out more about the cause or the product that this mission was all about. It’s a retail and lifestyle brand of apparel. Funny how that never got mentioned in the first or the emails that followed.

5. Don’t Act Like I Work for You

Why have I gotten in touch with you today? Because I believe you embody my mission and can help others do the same.

Tweet the following message ….
Post the following message on Facebook …
Share the following message with your readers …

Again, I might do plenty for a friend, but without that relationship, calling me to action so directly was telling me to open my network to someone I’ve never met.

6. Don’t Ask Me to Cross the FTC

Doesn’t telling me what to tweet or post break the FTC rules?

7. Don’t Offer Me Favors

My lack of response might have signaled that I was busy or that I had a lack of interest. But apparently it did not. Soon I got a follow up repeating a shorter version of the same message above the original.

Did you get it? Do you have any questions for me?
I’m working to develop a huge wave of enthusiasm … hope I can count on your support. And since I know favors go both ways, in return for your support I’d like to offer you a limited edition … t-shirt…
or maybe something else? Networking or entrepreneurial support?

8. Don’t Assume I Have Nothing Better to Do

Let’s talk, and find out more about how we can help each other. Please let me know your thoughts ASAP …

Your urgency isn’t my urgency. I have my own work.

9. Don’t Shout Louder After a “No, Thank You.”

I replied as graciously as I might. My exact reply was …

I got your message. You have a lovely message that you want to share. Your energy is admirable. I can see your passion for what you’re doing. I wish you the best of luck with it.

Unfortunately, my family, my clients, and current projects are all I can keep up with. It wouldn’t be fair to them to take on another project.

Thanks for asking,
Liz

I might have expected that would be the end, but it wasn’t.

The reply read:

Hi Liz,

I understand and thank you for your reply.

The real reason I’m connecting with you is because YOU (as an individual), appear to fit [our] profile and seem like someone who’d want to be a part of something great, in its infancy stages – by doing something little to help spread the word and enthusiasm.

Even if just via your personal Facebook account or something – is there any way you’d be willing to help me out?

There’s a free [deleted description] T-shirt in it if you are… :o)

Best to you with your business endeavors as well…

Two more emails followed in which I was commended for my “due diligence” in having checked out the emailer and set straight in that she had built her huge network from being positive and sincere with people who showed immediate enthusiasm for her cause.

I didn’t know that I had done that.

It was never mentioned that the “cause” was the philosophy behind a retail apparel brand.

These are only the don’ts from one email exchange with one person.

Do you have other don’ts that belong on this list?

Be Irresistible.
–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz on your business!!

Buy the Insider’s Guide to Online Conversation.

These are only the don’ts from one email exchange with one person.

Do you have other don’ts that belong on this list?

Be Irresistible.
–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz on your business!!

Buy the Insider’s Guide to Online Conversation.

Filed Under: Marketing /Sales / Social Media, Successful Blog Tagged With: bc, LinkedIn, Marketing /Sales / Social Media, relationships, value proposition

Audience Is Everything – Do You Know Your Audience as Well as You Know Yourself?

May 31, 2011 by Liz

Content Isn’t Audience, But You Knew That

cooltext443809437_relationships

When I gave a keynote at the EdNet conference, where I met with many old and new friends in the business of publishing. I ended up in the most interesting conversation with one in particular, a man who was connected to me from years ago when publishing in print was my life. We got to talking about how publishers were facing the need to move from shelves of books to information that moved across the Internet.

He said, “I love books. I love seeing them stand on the shelves. I understand why everyone wants to keep making them. But I also see why we need to move our thoughts and ideas to PDFs.”

First I winced, then I smiled, then I laughed.

“What?” was what he said.

“You’re thinking of the paper web. A PDF is just a digital form of a paper document and almost as much of a pain. It’s not really part of the web. It’s a gated and separate location. I have to leave where I am to click over to where it is, wait for it to load, and then I’m stuck inside it. Switching back and forth takes for ever. It’s like asking me to go to the corner to buy a book.”

“Ah, I suppose I should be saying content.”

“Content on a blog or a website is easier to access. Yep that’s for sure, but content isn’t the end.”

I asked him to tilt his head to consider this question, “How many books sit on library and living room shelves that were chosen with great intentions then never read?”

If your goal is to sell books or to sell content, then keep your eye on them.
That will happen is that you’ll grow your sales and find ways to get more books in peoples hands and more visitors to your content.

But all of the thoughts that writers worried to express and the reams of ideas that could be changing the world may become good piled in the good intentions of book shelves and feed readers — parts of collections that never get read.

The book, the pdf, the website, the content isn’t the destination the audience is.

Know Your Audience as Well As You Know Yourself

An airplane traveling from New York to Chicago is off course 98% of the time. Still it gets there. Why? The pilot is always adjusting with his destination in mind. Do you listen to your best audience and tweak what you do to keep your content in their sweet spot?

The audience is your destination. If you’re writing for yourself, you’ll head in a different direction than if you’re writing for people learning what you know. It may sound obvious, but it’s still worth stating — if you don’t know where you’re going, you’re not going to get there. If you think you’re going everywhere or writing for everyone, you’ll end up nowhere.

Too often authors and bloggers don’t think through who their readers will be. As a result a blog post or a book title gets our attention but doesn’t keep us interested. Don’t write for the fad or the lastest content trend, write for the people who are exploring the idea behind it. Then when they change their direction, you can change yours with them because your relationship is with the audience not with the content.

Have you really thought through who your audience is? Here are some questions to help you do that. Take a shot at answering them all in one sentence.

  • Who am I writing for?
  • How are they like me and how are they not?
  • What do they care about?
  • What will get their interest and keep it to the very end?

Write down your audience profile. Revisit it often. Adjust it as your readership grows and you get to know them better.
Use it to guide what you choose to write.

Now that you’ve got a clear destination. Other decisions get a whole lot easier.

Do you look at what you offer from the audience view? How does that work for you?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz on your business!!

Buy the Insider’s Guide to Online Conversation.

Filed Under: Audience, Successful Blog Tagged With: audience, bc, Content, LinkedIn, relationships

Unstick the Stories from the Past that Are Stuck in Your Head

May 27, 2011 by Liz

cooltext443809437_relationships

Any time we walk into a familiar situation, we have advantages of knowing how the situation works. We know the people, the place, and the usual routines that each brings to the “system” of what’s going on. That same advantage of knowing, that is also a disadvantage. It can sabotage us by leading our thinking down the wrong paths or leaving us blind to new behaviors unless they are striking different, unable to see that what we expect isn’t what’s going on.

That disadvantage of knowing a situation is one reason why we can’t check our own work. If we know the thinking that went into it, we can’t find the hidden assumptions or the parts that are missing. We already know why we did what we did. We already know why the people involved chose as they chose.

When we invite an intelligent outsider to table to look with “fresh eyes” and a “fresh mind,” that person won’t necessarily understand when he or she encounters the places where we skipped a step in laying out the logic.

It’s a simple case of you can’t know and NOT know at the same time.

The same is true when we meet up with family and friends. We fall back into roles and relationships so familiar that it can leave us blind. We walk in to the situation with hidden assumptions that make the situation familiar, but also keep folks tied to our definition of who they were, making harder for them to show us who they are now. We all have had the same thing happen to us as our parents or our siblings still see us as we were when we were 12 years old and can’t seem to see us as we are now.

If we want change the way people see us, it could work to try on that role of intelligent outsider.
When we meet up with friends this weekend, what would happen if we looked with “fresh eyes” and a “fresh mind” that offers them a fresh starting place — much like the fresh place a new friend of a friend gets to start a relationship with us?

Or as Barbara Kiviat said in such a memorable way . . .

When you hear a tune in your head, it’s tough to put yourself in the position of a person who doesn’t. —BARBARA KIVIAT, Time

What if we unstick the stories of our friends, family, and ourselves from the past that are stuck in our heads for just that short little while?
How might our relationships with friends, family, and ourselves change?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz on your business!!

Buy the Insider’s Guide to Online Conversation.

Filed Under: Community, Successful Blog Tagged With: bc, LinkedIn, relationships

Are You Seeing So Much That You’re Blind?

May 24, 2011 by Liz

Finding Your Own Leadership Path

Looking in the Right Direction

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Last night, I shared a lovely phone call with Tim Sanders who had just arrived in Chicago after several flight delays and detours. Tim is an amazing traveler. I guess he would have to be a speaker so in demand as he is.

I used to travel like that it takes a certain mindset. To do it well, busy travelers also need to understand how to lower stress and keep our eyes on what’s important. The same is true of people who travel extensively and often.

Does that sound like you?

When I hung up the phone with Tim, I marveled at his energy and generous spirit. I got to thinking about how traveling used to affect me and what I learned that made me a better traveler and a far nicer person to work with.

Are You Seeing So Much That You’re Blind?

Working at a fast pace is much like traveling on too many airplanes. The information coming at as us fast and furious. We become machine-like in our effort to process. We see the details of what we need to navigate. The problem that I found was that I sometimes hyperfocused through to the important navigational and informational details that I was blind to the people in the picture. The people became just more data carriers to inform my goal.

That was a problem. It’s not human. We’re wired to be social not mechanical.

So the more I focused on the information, the more stressed and less social I became. With or without a real itinerary, traveling too fast made see so much I was blind to the people around me.

And when we lose sight of the people around us, they find a way to remind us that they are people not unfeeling data points. Such reminders usually aren’t fun or pretty.

So I learned how to pace my “traveling” with an appropriate amount of “space,” so that my eyes remained open to value the people I meet. Here’s what I do now regularly.

  • I look at the people I talk with.
  • I talk more about the people I’m going to see rather than the places I’m going.
  • I think of every detour, delay, and problem as a chance to meet someone and capture a new story.
  • I think of myself as a visitor in everyone else’s world.
  • I make it a point to sit silently for “recess” breaks 3 or 4 times a day — at my desk, on airplanes, in taxis.
  • DI look at the sky and trees, because it’s hard to feel overly important when I’m face-to-face with creation.

No major magic there. It’s doing what Tim calls feeding our brains, what I call keeping our heads wired to our hearts.

Either way the result is a powerful return on investing.

The more I see the people around me, the more they see good things coming out of me.

What do you do to make sure that you’re not seeing so much that you’re blind?

Be irresistible.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz on your business!!

Buy the Insider’s Guide to Online Conversation.

Related articles:
The Only One
Business, Blogs, and Niche-Brand Marketing

Filed Under: Marketing /Sales / Social Media, Motivation, Successful Blog Tagged With: bc, LinkedIn, relationships

7 Ways to an Attractive, Authentic Relationship … With Yourself

May 16, 2011 by Liz

cooltext443809437_relationships

About this time each year, new folks discover the energy, the community, and the benefits of being online.
About this time each year, folks who’ve been here often get back that “new blogger feeling.”
And some folks even start looking back at where they’ve been to figure out where they might be going.

I do all of that.

And today finds me thinking of what makes successful and lasting online relationships.
The longer I look it, the more I realize it relies on how well we relate to ourselves.

So rather than talk about how to be visible to people you want to meet, how to attract people who care about what you’re doing, why not take a minute spending time on what it takes for you to get to know you?

Top 7 Ways to an Authentic Relationship … With Yourself

If you read down this list, it’s fairly obvious that the same seven apply to relationships with other people as do to the relationship you might want to build with you. The advantage of taking the time to reflect on these seven and yourself is that knowing who you bring to those other relationships is foundational to forging something valuable and lasting at every turn.

Do you treat yourself as well as you expect yourself to treat other people?
Do you give yourself the respect that you deserve?
Do you keep your promises to yourself and value your input?
All of these will build a better relationship with yourself and with other people.

  1. Show up whole and human. Do you see yourself as a person or a worker? Do you hold yourself up to some superhuman standards? Isn’t it unfair (and maybe a little snobby) to set one standard for yourself and another for everyone around you? Show up for everyone. Give yourself the time — and the you — you would give your best friend.
  2. Talk in your authentic voice. A good part of authenticity is knowing when we’re hiding behind our history. Another good part is seeing and admitting when we’re feeling one thing and saying that we feel something quite different. Choose the authentic kind words that express who you are now and what you are feeling. Know when to share them and when to keep them near you. But trust your “self” and your voice to know the authentic life you’re living.
  3. Tell your own truth.We all grew up with “tape recordings in our heads” that contradict what we know is true about ourselves. Why do we talk as if those are the reality? Stop long enough to gather the skills you’ve built. Reflect for the time it takes to appreciate why you might want to be friends with you. Learn what it is you are uniquely good at doing and don’t be afraid to tell the truth about who you are. The world didn’t hold a meeting to decide only one kind of person can be here.
  4. Have room for folks to tell theirs too. Hear the truth when it hides inside what other folks are saying. Ask until you know, believe, and feel that you’re communicating. Make it easy for them to share what might be weighing on their heads and their hearts with you. What you’ll find by listening to their truth with all of your being is that knowing the their truth deeply enough to understand it won’t hurt you. It opens us up to accept our own humanity.
  5. Don’t try to tie ideas up in a bow. Life doesn’t come in boxes that organize well with single labels. It’s rare that one occasion will summon up only one word or emotion. Enjoy the depth and live the kaliedoscope changes. Each breath of color and dimension adds new meaning that will get shut off and cut off if you try to categorize or define every minute. We aren’t meant to define our lives so completely. We’re meant to live them.
  6. Half the show is in the comments. Now and then take a moment to stop, reflect, and collect your own opinion on who you are without outside influence. Sit with yourself in your personal invisible comment box and have a conversation about who you are and where you’re going. If you don’t like the goals and the destinations, change them. If you don’t like the design of your life, get a new one.
  7. Be helpful, not hypeful. . . . Make everything about them not you. Default to what generates energy. Help yourself by helping other people. It’s not natural for a human to be a hermit. When the dark weather settles around you, reach out to help someone who is facing a far worse climate. Don’t think about how people treat you – those who get it wrong, don’t “get” it. Be your own model of how it should work and enjoy being it.

And when you make that relationship with yourself, you’ll find you’re the kind that attracts other people. They’ll see that you value what you bring and that what you offer is real.

So go ahead, what could be wrong with being someone you like, respect, and want to be with?

Be irresistible.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz on your business!!

See also:
Top 10 Ways to Start Living Your Life

Buy the Insider’s Guide to Online Conversation.

Filed Under: Marketing /Sales / Social Media, Motivation, Successful Blog Tagged With: authenticity, bc, life., LinkedIn, relationships

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