[For those of you just tuning in, this is based on the 301 Lists that Darren Rowse’s List Group Writing Project brought together. You’ll find Chapter 1 here –> A List Becomes 301 Links in Story — Chapter 1 ]

On the Airplane

Lizzie had just gotten comfortable, when as every frequent flier knows, the inevitable happened. She was interrupted by the guy sitting next to her.

“Hey! Want to hear about Keeping Sociable on Long Trips?” he said. “I’m Fred.”

“No thanks.”

“How about What to Expect When You’re Not Expecting It?”

“Busy. Sorry.”

“Yazarken Dikkat EttiÄŸim Kurallar”

“What?”

“Okay, then,” he said. ” ‘Pahk ya cah Hahvahd Yahd,’ or, Regional Linguistic Pet Peeves might interest you more.”

Listless Lizzie just turned and stared at him.

“Got your attention. Didn’t I? In your opinion, what movies are the Top 13 Black Comedies?”

“Excuse me?”

“I see you read a lot. Perhaps you’re more interested in Graphical Visualization – Making Sense Out of Data.”

“Were you at Successful Blog the night that we invited the Aliens?”

“I’m sorry,” Fred answered. “I noticed you seemed a bit listless. I was doing my best to offer some cheer. Do you need help Finding Time and Creating Balance? Do you know The Top Ten Important Aspects of a Game? Would you like me to explain Why I Tithe? Do you have a boyfriend? Do you need one?”

“No. No. Ah, no. No and no,” Lizzie said, still reading the Top 10 Reasons To Find an Event Planner for your Next Party, and not really listening.

“Then I guess you don’t need Wedding songs for the despair Generation, unless you like to prepare early.”

That’s when Lizzie went back to a list called, Seven Things Not to Do on a Plane, but there was no mention of talking to a guy named Fred. Fred was no Darren. That much was clear. She didn’t need 10 steps to improve your ESP, healing and psychic abilites to figure that out.

Fred Talks Money

Lizzie gave up on the chance for a peaceful flight. She asked Fred what he did for a living. He said he was financial advisor to Steve Forbes and Donald Trump. He offered to give her advice investments and trade deals.

“I can show you the Best Current Deals, Promotions, and Sign Up Bonuses.”

“Sure,” Lizzie thought, “Forbes and Trump — I bet he helps out Greenspan when Greenspan gets confused.”

“While you’re thinking of Alan Greenspan,” Fred interrupted.

“You read that ESP list didn’t you?”

“Let me tell ya the Top Ten Reasons to Love Digital Gold, Greenspan likes it. Sally Greenspan that is.”

“Maybe Fred is the answer to my listlessneess. I could use a challenge,” Lizzie thought. I’ll become an entrepreneur and make mounds of money.”

Our little flyer listened to Fred spout the 5 Reasons Why Every Entrepreneur Should Workout, 10 Ways to Immediately Start Saving Money, and The 10 Best Money Moves You Can Make. Soon she knew How Your Credit Card Can Earn You Money.

Lizzie started taking notes for the future.
Four Kinds of Money Making Websites You can Start By Yourself She’d hire someone to do that.
5 Ways of Marketing Salvation She’d outsource that little piece of heaven.
Non-Profit Websites Fred said to check out their business models.
Best of Small Biz Survival She’d have to remember to ask Becky what wasn’t the best about surviving?

“Hey, Lizzie. Let me tell you The 10 Things We did to Erase almost $9,000 in Credit Card Debt in Less than 6 Months, and then I’ll explain Five reasons why you should always buy in lots.

“What are you talking about? Every little kid knows about lots and lots and lots — who doesn’t want lots? Lots of money — Five things I would do if I had $20,000? Lots of chocolate — How to Gain weight without really trying (and the antitheses)? Lots of sleep — How to be a Better Sports Radio Caller? We all want lots of everything.”

Fred didn’t correct her misunderstanding. After all, he knew she wasn’t about money anyway.

“Oh Fred, you’re so silly, . . . I should have known better than to think I’d find the answer on an airplane tripl I read Manage your time by Mastering Conversation Stoppers. I’m glad I met you though. Quick tell me a story about Steve Forbes and Donald Trump. I need a nap before we land.”

But Lizzie didn’t sleep . . . she was thinking about kids, and lots, and lots, and lots, and Paris, and . . . emoticons.

But that’s what happens in ———————–> Chapter 3.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
.

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Intro

That darn imp on my shoulder, the one who got me labeled uncool all through high school is still whispering, talking, shouting really. Now he’s nagging. Go on do it. It’s your blog. You know you want to. It will be more fun than another list. Give folks the value added. Follow your own advice. Put the YOU in what you write.

So here is a story for a Friday written to entertain, amaze, and prove to you that ideas truly are everywhere. [For those of you just tuning in, this is based on the 301 Lists that Darren Rowse’s List Group Writing Project brought together.]

Lizzie Leaves Home

Once upon a time, a little girl looked back upon her life and saw that it was filled with memories of Ducky Moments in time. Asking herself, “Where is my Ovary?” practicing How to be Charming, making a List of Hello Kitty Vehicles, and the Four most Influential British Prime Ministers, she found that these things did not fulfill her. Not even making a shrine to the Top 10 Lindsay Lohan Oops Moments could bring her up. She left like she was Falling from the Stairway to Heaven.

Her name was Listless Lizzie. She worked with Darren, the Great Writing Project Guy..

Armed only with 14 Amazing Chuck Norris Facts, she felt she had more than Seven signs that you should move to France – or stay at home.

If only Listless Lizzie had also known Seven Things Not to Do on a Plane.

But no, she knew of lists and nothing more.So she packed her lists:.

Just Visiting: Ten Tips for Being an Unforgettable Houseguest We already knew she was unforgettable.

Amusement Park Rules Rules? She thought those were for other people and listless folks don’t feel amused.

Supid Things You Can Do She brought this because she gets bored easily.

Five Ways to Make Yourself Miserable She heard misery loved company. Perhaps she’d find a friend who’d read this.

Some of the Worst Filler Songs of All Time If push came to shove she might choose death by music.

Why Starting Over is a A Good Thing Because under all, she was an optimist.

So call her Dorothy and send her to OZ , , , she’s got links to go before she gets to go home.

These and a taxi got her to the airport.

Listless Lizzie and Her Lists in Transit

She managed to make through security without many questions though she got some looks the lists she chose to carryon. In fact, young Lizzie was asked to hand over Three Reasons Why I don”t Give Good Comment, the Top Ten Janeane Garofalo Mistakes, Strategies for online reputation monitoring, and the 5 Most Trivial “How to” Searches in Search Engine. Those were considered to be international security risks. So they were kept in the airport from which she was leaving.

As she settled into her seat, the little girl, took out lists she hoped would help her when she landed before she started life as a money mogul. First she read Make People Always Remember You and How I am Going to Get What I Want. Then as the journey wore on she got distracted by what she thought of as The Top Ten Traumas of My Childhood, which morphed into 10 Things I”d Tell My Younger Self and that turned in 9 Weird Words that Amuse Me.

Just then a flight attendent walking by, stopped to ask whether she had seen the new list 5 Ways to get back in your skinny Jeans.

To which our leading lady replied, “Sugar, I never outgrew them.” Then she flashed him a big blue-eyed girlfriend grin, while handing him The Top 10 of Top 10s, 6 Steps to becoming a techie bride, Top 5 Look-a-Likes, and How to be a Movie Star and/or Cult Leader. All of those years in pubishing had made her a quick judge of what was perfect for any reader. He was like a little boy on his birthday morning.

And she went back to reading her lists for France.

France vc Allemagne: les 6 points forts de chaque pays/the 6 key points for each country She skimmed this one.

10 Ways to Improve Your Golf Game She read this one for a friend.

Top 10 Wine Myths She wanted to know if she’d heard any of them.

Getting Better with Age She had thought this was also about the wine.

Then she settled back to read “10 Rules to Live By.” She knew she would be looking for new neighbors maybe that list would help.

Now, if only she could find a list or two about making money. . .

MORE ON THAT IN CHAPTER 2————————————coming soon

–ME “Liz” Strauss

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