personal-identity Archives - Page 7 of 9

Wanting Things for Business and for Life

February 21, 2008 by Liz

Wanting, Found Wanting

We begin using the words, “I want” around age 5. It’s not hard to spot a child who has found them. Stand near a discount store checkout line on a Sunday afternoon, you’ll soon see a child reaching and hear the “but I want it” whine.

Are you in that “wanting” stage with your business and your life?

We all want things for our success. We want to achieve, to believe we’ve made a difference by the work we’ve done. We reach for ways to grow our relationships and our incomes. Sometimes we yearn for whatever meets our eyes. Wanting has an effect on a business and a life.

Positive or negative depends on “the why.”

If we’re wanting to grow a meaningful life or a business, accomplishment brings satisfaction. We celebrate before we find the next mountain to climb. If we’re wanting to measure up, we may achieve the world’s esteem, but the result will be found wanting in our eyes.

How do you keep your positive wanting and lose ideas that you’ll be found wanting?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Know where you’re going with your business and your life.

Let Your Self Join the Human Race

February 13, 2008 by Liz

So Many Self Words

Self-consciousness, self-promotion, self-sacrifice, self-preservation, self-abuse, self-indulgence, self-importance, self-deprecation

It’s hard to see words that start with s-e-l-f, without wondering how they relate to me — this individual self.

Self-esteem, self-centered, self-awareness — once upon a time those words didn’t exist.

It seems that self-respect, self-confidence, and self-control are stronger personal traits when they become respect, confidence, and control.

I’m wondering about the ego that fuels these self-oriented words. The list is self-serving and self-involved in that it’s used to define us. But is it a good thing to separate ourselves like that?

We might believe we have one relationship with ourselves and a distinctly different one with others.
I don’t buy that.
Look around.
You can tell what someone needs by what he or she gives away.

See how these “self” words throw us out of balance?

It’s harder to relate to people when we subconsciously see ourselves as separate from them. Imagine if we had no special “self” vocabulary — no “us” and “the rest of the world” words — simply words for all of us instead?

The words are stronger and more human without the “self.”
Conscious, promotion, sacrifice, preservation, abuse, indulgence, importance, deprecation, esteem, centered, awareness, respect, confidence, control, involved.

So I’ve decided. I’m dropping that “self” syllable. I’m becoming one of the whole. Are you ready to let your “self” join the human race?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz!!

Broken Promises in a Head Filled with Shoulds

January 20, 2008 by Liz

Less Than Me

I woke up this morning, finding myself wanting to be someone else. I had a head filled with shoulds — all things I should be doing or should be doing differently. It was playing out in my cells as some sort of anxiety, as if I’m less than enough.

Isn’t it interesting that, this word should one that I purposefully avoid when I write, becomes the word that gets my mind tied. Rather than propelling me forward to action. I sit here confused.

Each “should” taken on it’s own is a skill or discipline at which someone else excells. Not one of them is something that I particularly enjoy or need in my life.

So what’s behind these bossy feelings?

I set aside the self-imposed “shoulds.” I sit back to reflect on recent events. What I see first isn’t the good. — So much incredibly cool stuff is happening. I’m a daily celebration. — But the first thing that comes to mind is promises made and not kept. People have reasons for that. I understand. Do I really?

Maybe this is all about promises and what I believe people should be doing or doing differently. Maybe I didn’t want to judge them. So I judged me.

Suddenly, I’m not feeling the need to be someone else anymore. They can be them. I can be me. Whew! What a relief.

That head filled with shoulds is now down to one “will.”

I will enjoy letting the “shoulds” roll right off me.

Sundays are meant for much better things.

How to Make Your Dream Come True — Thought, Strategy, Action

January 11, 2008 by Liz

You Decide

Where do you want to go? What do you want to do? Do you have a dream waiting for someday? What are you doing to make it happen?

You decide whether your dream will happen.

You can wonder. You can wish. You can wait for help. Say that you will, or say that you can’t right now. The most important key to a dream come true is personal investment.

Dreams that come true need commitment and action.

Wonders, wishes, and waiting without commitment are a whole lot of nothing happening. Folks who might help us won’t show up for “what ifs” and “could bes.” Their lack of support can be a convenient excuse. That’s the wrong reaction. If we want a dream to come true, we have to be able to explain it how it can be turned from a dream into a reality. That takes thought, strategy, and action.

How to Make Your Dream Come True

A dream needs more than a wish. Wishes dissolve in the mist. To come true, a dream needs a foundation of concrete not sand. When you offer a solid foundation, people listen. They pay attention because you’ve moved the dream into the realm of possibility.

Here’s how to get to the concrete foundation you need.

Define the dream. Take the idea out of your head. Put it in front of you to look critically at it. How does the “dream come true” look? How does it work? Do you see a living example in the world? Describe it in the smallest details.

Define where you sit. Is the dream a good fit to who you are, what you know, and what you can do? What seeds for the dream are in your life already? How might you nurture them?

Plot your strategy. What’s the path from here to the “dream come true”? Start with the finished dream and work backwards until you’re where you sit.

Detail your needs. What work have you already done? What can you do on your own? What sort of help and resources can you hire, borrow, or dig up? Sort them into three lists.

Determine your commitment. What will it take to make the dream come true? Why this dream not another? What arguments will you face? How will you answer them? What will you be willing to give up and invest? Would you do it alone if you had to? Will you give yourself permission to go after the dream — even when the world says you should not?

Enlist support and advocates. Who sees the same dream? Who wants your success? Who helps you think? Who can help you meet the needs you’ve outlines above?

Write the story. Name the dream come true. Write one sentence about what the dream will do. Write three points that explain how other folks benefit from helping this dream become reality.

Know how you’ll ask. Visualize yourself asking for help. Choose the words you will use. Write several kinds of requests based on benefits folks will get from helping the dream into reality.

Define yourself by the dream. When people ask what you do, tell them about the dream you’re making come true. Think of your “day job” as support and supplemental to the dream. I’m an actor who works here now, not I’m a waiter who working to be an actor.

It’s willingness and determination to give ourselves over to our dreams that makes them happen. What’s the difference between me and the guy who got what I wanted when I didn’t? He wanted it enough to stick when it got difficult. I decided somewhere that something else was more important.

The dream is there. It’s not magic. It’s not the big break. It’s giving ourselves permission to pull out all stops. Surely you’ve known someone you would defend at any cost. Find a dream like that — one you’ll single-mindedly protect — and you’ll make that dream happen.

Got the dream? When will you make the investment?

— ME “Liz” Strauss

Buy the Insider’s Guide to Online Conversation.

A Personal Model for Business Life: Who Gets How Much for Free?

January 4, 2008 by Liz

What I Already Do

Sometimes I’m fast, and sometimes I’m so slow. Sometimes the answer is sitting right next to me.

I got to wondering why I could negotiate contracts for companies and clients, but didn’t seem to be doing the same for me. It was just the kind of problem my head doesn’t let go of. I knew it had to do with my way of looking at things.

I had too many friends and not enough customers.

Fairly soon, I saw that I needed a set of rules defining who got my work for free. I walked around trying to find where to draw the line. Then it hit me like a brick on my head!

I set limits naturally in my personal life. they’re the ones I need.

I tested the theory.

The Model to Decide Whether I’ll Do Work for Free

If I’m making a rule or model for my work life. It needs to be something that reflects me. What I realized is that in my personal life I already draw lines around circles of who I can do things for. Bet you do something like it too.

So here’s how I extended my personal groups into business groups. Now I know who gets how much for free.

Some people are casual friends and acquaintances. When they come to town or when I go to theirs, I make an effort to meet with them. I’ll point these folks to where they can find the information they need.

Some people are friends. When they come to town or I go to theirs I do my best to meet with them. I’ll help these folks when I can, especially when it’s something I can do easily.

Some people are close friends. When they come to town or I go to theirs, I make time for them. These people will get my help and my time unless pressing projects must be a priority.

Some people are lifelong friends and family. When they have a need I’ll fly to them anywhere on the planet. They’re most likely to get my help and my time for free. We value each other deeply.

Now that I see I already have a working system, it’s easy to decide who gets how much for free. When people I hardly know asks me to do their homework now, I simply say, “I can tell you where you’ll find what you need. If they push for me to help them, I say, “If you’d like me to do that for you, we’ll need a more formal arrangement to cover my time. I charge $XXX/hour for that sort of work.”

I can’t believe the difference it’s made. How silly of me that I didn’t make this connection before. I wouldn’t fly around the world for just anyone. So what made me think I should give everyone my work for free?

–Me “Liz” Strauss

Personal Identity: Fear of Imposing or Fear of Beholding?

December 21, 2007 by Liz

Asking for Help

I’m looking at myself and looking my business.
I’m looking at what I have done well in the past.

I’ve been reading recently fabulous articles for big and small business folks. The great ones say to . . . be prepared, be ready, and get in the habit of asking for help at every step. For years, they’ve even given advice on how to ask. So have I. So have my friends and colleagues.

the big things they say are “Don’t be afraid to ask.” and “Think about what you hear.”

Just the other night the wisest and best-suited business advisor I know said to me, “I want to help you. How can I help?”

I sit here with the questions, and they seem too much and too many to ask.

Here I am trusting the world with my thoughts . . . and I can’t ask a simple question, not even the first one. Well I guess the first is the hardest.

Where does this issue of trust come from?

Is it a fear of imposing or a fear of beholding?

I know which it is in my case. Note my comment below.

Do you know which it is when you want to ask for help, but don’t?

Thank you,