Successful Blog

Personal Identity: Trust

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Can we talk about . . .

trust.

My father used to say, “Trust nobody.”

I would answer, “Daddy, that would mean I couldn’t trust you.”

His reply would be. “Yes, I know.”

I knew that wasn’t true. Still I could trust him, and I could trust what he said too.

playing-with-daddy

The irony of the conversation of my dad with his little girl is that trust isn’t found in words. Trust is a way of living. It’s written in who we are.

My father was right. He taught me that no one can tell of trust. One has to live it, give it, and aspire to be trustworthy. Trust is character.

I hear us talking about trust. I heard you say it just this week. trust We talk about who we trust, whether we can trust, the need for transparency to trust each other.

When the world got crowded did our trust get crowded out of it?

Every small child is trustworthy. I trust in humanity.

Trust. I have plenty.

I have plenty because without it . . .

I can’t smile or write. I can’t be brave or vulnerable.

Take my trust. Take all you need.

Because without it . . . I can’t breathe.

How do you find the trust you need?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Check out the Work with Liz!! page in the sidebar.

Related
Change the World: Truth and Humility
Personal Identity: What Is Humility?

Personal Integrity: Sometimes a List Is Just a List

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This is an invitation for a conversation on personal integrity and how we, as humans, interact. In this case, I’m having what might be called an examination of conscience.

Every person comes to his or her own views on religion and politics. I respect and honor those. I’d like to keep this conversation focused on the personal and the individual, not the national or international. Conversations on political or social problems are better and more deeply thought through in places other than on this blog in a single blog post. Please note that contributions that obviously belong in those other discussions will be not be posted here.

I need space to be understood and offer that personal space to the people I meet. If you are new or a long-time commenter, please feel welcome to discuss your views on the problem below. I truly would appreciate your wisdom and counsel.

There is, as always, only one rule here: Be nice.

Can we talk about . . .

personal integrity.

Last night, I put up a list of Women Bloggers. People have every right to question my doing that. I did too. I still am. It’s a matter of personal integrity.

I don’t speak a great deal about link lists on my blog, but it’s not hard to know my feelings about link lists that were made to boost rankings or game the system. So why did this one elicit a different response from me?

Did I cross my own line? Was I seduced by unconscious peer pressure? Was my reasoning really just a rationalization? Or was I being the complicated person I am? Humans are nothing if not complicated beings.

Too much information makes this problem bigger than I am. Yet I think it’s worth exploring, because we face dilemmas of this nature every day. What contributes to such decisions, I wonder?

Here’s what I know unequivocably.

As I begin writing, I don’t know for sure why I made the list.

I do know this. I invested close to 3 hours putting my part of the list together, despite the fact I worried about the people I would leave out. I find the list a resource because sometimes a woman’s point of view is what’s needed. Last night proved that I don’t know enough of them. Even now two blogs come to mind that I wish I had remembered to include.

When I first saw the W-List, my plan was to say “thank you and move on.” Sometime last night that plan changed. Several factors might have influenced such decisions come to be. Here are the influences and the questions those raise for me as I look back.

  • Who I am as a person — I am an individual who creates my own path. I don’t feel I’ve be obstructed unfairly — Was it link love or a sell out?
  • My history — I grew up with brothers in an all boys’ neighborhood. Don’t you dare say I throw like a girl — Was I honoring women or leaving out men?
  • I was on the list — Was it ego or gratitude?
  • New versions of the list were coming up, always with new content added by the blogger who offered it — Was it appreciation or peer pressure?
  • The fact that I was surprised by the number of great blogs I had not seen before — Was it guilt or a wish to share?

Who knows what other factors might have been an unconscious part? I went back to my “Dear Emperor” post this morning. I can say I passed the test that I set.

As they say in the world of law, we might be able to prove possible motive, but we cannot ever know someone else’s intent. I’m finding now it’s not that easy even to know my own every time.

At the end of writing this . . . it’s been close to two hours and then, I’ve taken out 60% of what I wrote . . . but I know more. I state it calmly and gently here with my head and my heart.

I celebrate the women bloggers on the list. By giving to them, I take nothing from the men I esteem. I only wish I had taken the time to celebrate the men too.

As a child I knew, sometimes my parents celebrated one of their children without mentioned the other two. Yet each of one of us was always their favorite.

One lesson that I have always had trouble with is that when I’m not included it’s rarely about me. (And when I am, that’s usually not about me either.)

Sometimes is just a list.

Gosh, thanks for listening. Feel free to disagree.

Liz's Signature

As a following note: Before I leave, I’d like to mention that I don’t believe much in fate or omens, but I do enjoy delicious irony and blogger synchronicity. When I awoke I found these. Brief Case Study: Liz Strauss appreciating readers on Successful Blog through comments and through encouragement awards and Now, Make me feel important! who pointed me to The W (and M) List – Promoting Quality Bloggers

Business and Life: The Rules of the Road

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Road to Anywhere
I've been thinking . . .

about the rules of the road that make life flow more easily.

I’m not much for rules.

My husband says “Please don’t tell her ‘Don’t touch.’ She’s just like our son — if you do, then she’ll have to.”

But some rules make sense, like those that keep folks safe as we move in traffic. The rules of the road I’ve learned are simple to share, but often hard to remember. I’m thinking I should write some down now. . . . before I forget them again.

Before I set off, it’s good to know my destination or at least what direction I have chosen. I know I’ll constantly be making corrections, be stopping at times to make sure the plan is still a good one.

I need fuel to keep going. . . .

I need to know whether I’m good at mapping the trip, navigating, or making the journey happen. Hardly anyone is good at all of that. That’s why I need a few hearty traveling companions. The joy of sharing the experience, the people we meet, and the stories we make is the return on the investment..

It doesn’t slow me down when I stop to let someone go first. More often than not something good comes of it. I don’t get where I’m going any later.

When I drive extreme, I can’t pay attention to the details on the way there.

When I think I own the road, people act as if they agree, but they don’t. And they don’t see what I want them to see. They see me acting as if I’m important. In other words,

. . . when I think it’s about me, it’s not . . . It’s about them — what they need. Then I think it’s about them causing a problem, it’s not. . . . It’s about me –thinking I’m something special.

I don’t need a car to know the rules of the road — or the value in them. Even crossing the street, I know it’s best to look both ways first and to hold someone’s hand if I can. It makes the trip easier and adds to it.

And the road itself can take me anywhere I want to go.

What do you know about the rules of the road that you’re on? . . .

Liz's Signature

Series: The Enneagram – a Brief Introduction

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Enneagram Series by Mark McGuinness

I’m pleased to announce that over the next two weeks, we’ll be featuring a series — a sneak peek at an upcoming eBook!! — on the Enneagram. The series is written by Mark McGuinness of Wishful Thinking, a specialist coaching and training service for creative businesses such as design studios, ad agencies, film and TV production companies, computer games developers, architect’s practices and fashion designers. Mark studied the Enneagram as part of his training as a psychotherapist. He has used it for his own personal development and in his work with individuals, families, and organizations.

The series appear over the next two weeks. The six articles will be posted in the evenings between 5-6pm CDT on the following schedule.

Monday, June 25: What is the Enneagram and Why Should You Care?

Wednesday, June 27: The Heart Types

Thursday, June 28: The Head Types

Monday, July 2: The Body Types

Wednesday, July 4: Using the Enneagram – Working on Yourself

Thursday, July 5: Using the Enneagram – Working with Others

The Enneagram Names

basic-enneagram-names

This illustration and the others in the series produced by Sandy Renshaw.

Besure to drop by this week and next to check it out. It’s been weeks in the making and worth every minute. Thank you, Mark!

–ME “Liz” Strauss

How to Be Alive and 10 Ways to Celebrate Living!

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Give It a Try

silhouette of girl splashing water at sunset

Oh yeah, science has defined and described life — no disputing that. It’s that time that occurs between birth and death that we fill up with breathing, eating, sometimes sleeping, preserving the species, and whatever thoughtful and mindless else we might devise.

To get beyond the state of being to having meaning is an art and a craft. The trick is finding the space between the literal and the figurative.

If you want to give it a try . . .

How to Be Alive

In some ways, being alive is a mystical balancing act. It takes thinking and feeling about ideas, things, and people. Actually being alive is deliberate and spontaneous. It’s getting all systems go while being totally still. It can be done. I’ve actually met people who are alive!

Here’s a way to give it a go.

  • Check your life signs. Even though working lungs and a beating heart are clear necessities of living, most of us hold our breath and lose our hearts when we’re overwhelmed. We crawl up into our heads and forget who we are.
  • Know that you can’t get a life — you’ve already got one. If you don’t have one, you’re not reading this.
  • Bring things to life. Be there and show up with all that you are. We get back what we invest.
  • Hold onto your wonderful memories, but let go of the rest. Keeping too much makes us less, holding onto less makes us more.
  • Work hard to reach for your potential, but be easy on yourself. We all need love — our own most of all.
  • Be true to life. Listen to what you knew when you were born. We start out wise, authentic, and letting the world know we’re here. That’s the part we call spirit. We know. We did then. We always will. It’s who we are.
  • Be who you want to become.

One reward of putting all you are into living is how other people find a living soul fascinating and attractive. We’re drawn to a person so vibrantly centered. Our life expands with each person who responds that attraction.

10 Ways to Celebrate Living

When we walk back into our own life again, it’s a wonder — we wonder at what took us so long, wonder at things we hadn’t been seeing, doing, being, sharing with folks we care about. The realization can be quite stunning and profound.

It’s breathtaking to be living.

Definitely worth celebrating. Here are 10 Ways to celebrate living.

  1. Whenever you stretch your mind, stretch your body too. The difference is exponential and incredibly cool.
  2. Do something that’s not electronic. Better yet make it something you’ve never done that you do with someone who sees you as you are.
  3. Go somewhere you can’t see anything made by people. Then before you look, close your eyes to listen for the longest while.
  4. Eat something delicious. Go for that “last cookie” feeling with every bite.
  5. Run your hand along a fence or a wall. Sit on a floor. Walk the curb like a tightrope walker would. You know how. I bet you’ve done them all before.
  6. Listen to music filled with images of your history. Seek out and savor the smells and tastes of comfort times in the past. Send a thought to the people who experienced them with you wherever they are. They’re not gone, if you remember.
  7. Test drive your body like a two year old who just got brand-new shoes.
  8. Run in the grass and fall down on purpose. I bet you did that once too.
  9. Touch wet paint to see how wet it is. Wipe your hand on your pants without a thought. Then send a wish to a guy who did that same thing once, while his mom was watching. Know that his mom didn’t get mad.
  10. Say “I love you” and mean it to someone who least expects it. Then do it again and again. Every time that you do, tell yourself the same thing.

I’m guessing you have the hang of it by now. Being alive really comes down to one sentence.

Live your experiences and experience your life.

We have a whole life of time to do nothing but that. It makes sense, simple and elegant. It’s not hard to be alive . . . once we remember how.

Liz's Signature

Be irresistible.
–ME “Liz” Strauss

Traditions: Who We Are and What We Value

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Identity and Relationships

relationships button

I think about how my world has changed since I was a child. Family traditions, traditions with friends, were liberally scattered throughout my life. Those handed down were savored and serious. Silly ones came about doing something spontaneous. The simple, soft, and sentimental still make me smile. They weave together the relationships and interactions that formed who I am.

But times change. Traditions seem harder to hold onto.

Once extended families held us closer to home, closer together. Now we are more isolated from each other. We change jobs. We move houses. We marry later. We have smaller families. As a culture, we are alone more often and longer.

We leave behind some traditions. National traditions are being questioned or hidden in respect for those who don’t feel reflected within them or who find fault with the values of a given tradition.

Who We Are and What We Value

Traditions take time and investment. Their very nature requires a buy-in at some level. They are a critical cultural benchmark of who we are and what we value.

In the script to “Fiddler on the Roof,” Tevye explains the importance of tradition to a culture.

A fiddler on the roof…
Sounds crazy, no?
But here, in our little village of Anatevka,
you might say
every one of us is a fiddler on the roof.
Trying to scratch out a pleasant, simple tune
without breaking his neck.
It isn’t easy.
You may ask,
why do we stay up there
if it’s so dangerous?
Well, we stay because
Anatevka is our home.
And how do we keep our balance?
That I can tell you in one word!
Tradition!
[snip]
Because of our traditions,
we’ve kept our balance for many, many years.
Here in Anatevka,
we have traditions for everything.
How to sleep.
How to eat.
How to work.
How to wear clothes. . . .
For instance,
we always keep our heads covered,
and always wear a little prayer shawl.
This shows our constant devotion to God.
You may ask,
how did this tradition get started?
I’ll tell you.
I don’t know.
But it’s a tradition.
And because of our traditions,
every one of us knows who he is
and what God expects him to do. . . .
[snip]
Without our traditions,
our lives would be as shaky as
As…
As a fiddler on the roof!

Are we leaving behind traditions without replacing them? Are we leaving behind our sense of self with them? Are we losing track of what we value? What traditions hold us together still?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Check out the Work with Liz!! page in the sidebar.