relationship-blogger Archives

121: We Met, But Did I Ever Say Hello? [blush]

October 4, 2007 by Liz

A Meeting of the Minds

This cross-blog conversation that I’m having with Dawud is taking some windy turns and travels. Have you been riding with us? My last question to him was Do you see a difference between your online relationships and those offline â€” beyond the obvious physical differences?
Dawud didn’t take a breath before he answered. “Without a doubt!” He remarked on how easily he’s been getting to know virtual strangers in this virtual land. . . .

Then he asked me, Whatâ€™s the oddest beginning to a relationship that youâ€™ve developed through your blog?

I guess it would have to be the odd start to how I met Chris Brogan. I knew about Chris from the wonderful and insightful, people-person Ms. Becky McCray. One day, I read a post in which Chris talked about how we should extend the conversation to people outside our circle.

That struck a chord.

I picked up the phone to tell him . . . punched his number and waited. I got a message that said something like, “Hi, I often don’t get these messages. If you want to be sure to reach me, send a text message.” I thought it was ironic. The guy who said, “Reach out.” Was out of reach.

I didn’t realize that, he was at a conference at the time.

I figured I should be doing my real work and got back to it. It was April 26. SOBCon 07 was only 16 days away.

In June, Jeff Pulver came to town for a conference and a party. We met in the afternoon for a conversation. He graciously invited me to join his group for dinner. I waited at the restaurant. Jeff came in with another man. The man turned and smiled across the room It was a sharp, clever smile filled with playful mischief.

While Jeff checked on the reservation, the man came over to introduce himself.

“I’m Chris Brogan. You must be Liz.”

“Ah! Chris Brogan! You don’t pick up your voice mail.”

I’m not sure that I ever said a proper “hello.” [blush]

I’ll blame the smile . . . it’s killer.

Who’s the person that you’d like to meet?

Since this is a conversation, if youâ€™re reading this, I’m not just asking Dawud the question, Iâ€™d love to hear your answer too, in the comment box below.

PS To Chris Brogan and to everyone, I’ll offer this song, “Hello, I love you. Won’t you tell me your name?”

–ME “Liz” Strauss
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One2One is a cross-blog conversation. Find the answer at dawud miracle on Monday. You can see the entire One-2-One Conversation series on the Successful Series page.
In Case You Missed It: Writing 06-13-07

3 Ways the Blogosphere Made Me a Better Business Person and Human Being

September 27, 2007 by Liz

It’s the People

On my blog I finally took the time to think through what I believe. On my blog, people asked what I meant by what I said. On my blog that I dared to think and to dream — out loud and with commitment.

On my blog, my head and heart connected to the people I met.

The relationships I’ve made as a blogger have made me better as a marketer, a better writer, and a better human being. Here’s how and why.
I’m a better marketer.

As a blogger, I live with my readers.

I’m a better writer.

As a blogger, I came down off the podium.

I’m a better person.

As a blogger, it became about the conversation.

How has my blog changed how I think of relationships? It’s only made them more dear, more important, and more cellular to every letter, every link, every learning that is in this text.

I can’t imagine looking at any part of my blogging career without seeing the people who in a word, have made me who I am.

The people of blogging have made me a better person.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
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9 Sure-Fire Ways to Kill Credibility (BANG!) at a Live Networking Event

September 24, 2007 by Liz

Look at Me!!

I’ve been writing on demand for years. I was a teacher. I have a background in theater. Writer’s block and stage fright are distant enemies I’ve since made friends with. Hand me a keyboard, a pencil, a microphone — even a headset or a telephone — I can find my way to an intelligent, dynamic conversation, . . . but put me in a roomful of networking professionals, and I’m not exactly in my element.

What skill I have at live networking is not a natural talent, it’s something I’ve earned.

You could say I am an ex-kamikaze networker. I found too many ways to kill my credibility in the past. Since then, I’ve seen even more — some so amazing they should be on YouTube today. I’m going to share the 9 credibility-killers that I find to be guaranteed.

9 Sure-Fire Ways to Kill Credibility (BANG!) at a Live Networking Event

If you are out to kill your credibility, here are nine great ways to do it.

Come as you are. Whatever the event, wherever the location, show up dressed in your signature duds. Of course, the iridescent tank top will stand out in a room of tuxedos, but if they judge you by that why would you work with them? Simply assume when you don’t draw the rock star crowd you might expect that the room is standing in awe.

Or you might show your respect and dress appropriately. It’s one way to show that you understand that different situations call for different responses.

Bring someone who has no reason or desire to be at the event. When you introduce your guest, encourage him or her to talk first. After all, the people you meet have been networking chat all night. Their gratitude (ahem) for your forethought in providing the irrelevant conversation will show.

Or you might trust yourself (and the group) and show the confidence of attending on your own. Your motivation to meet possible colleagues will be higher and their interest in you will be stronger if they understand that you don’t need a “date.”

Let everyone know how you feel. If you’re shy, as I am, put the SELF in self-conscious. Tell everyone how nervous you are. If you’re merely uncomfortable, share that too. You’ll understand when folks have “needs” of their own . . . to be elsewhere.

Or you might shift your focus from how you feel to the people in the room. Some idea, cause, or working relationship binds the people in the room together. How might you use that to ask an intriguing question that will get other folks to talk?

Know what you came to get. Networking events are about meeting people who can do things for you. Come with plan of how you can take advantage of everyone of them and make it clear that’s why you’re there. The folks you meet will be grateful for your honesty. It will save them time of finding out how selfish you are.

Or you might know what you came to offer. Networking is far more effective when we have something to offer. How often has it been said that it’s better to give than receive?

Talk the talk liberally — buzzwords show you belong. No one really wants to talk business. Stick with the lingo. That way, from the start, everyone you meet will be able to see that deep down inside you can be shallow as shallow as you assume they are.

Or you might assume that people have given up their time precisely to meet and talk business. Folks who network tend to be curious learners who invest their own time. They are likely to know more about the business they are in than most folks in their field.

Stick to your agenda. When someone offers you the floor to tell what you do, hit your talking points like a politician. Make sure that you get every point across that you test your listener on them all. The impression that will leave is guaranteed to be a “killer.”

Or you might try listening at least as much as you speak. Networking is about conversation and the exchange of ideas.

Keep an eye on the room. Whether you’re shaking hands to say hello or involved in a conversation, you’re too important to let one person monopolize your attention for too long. Each event is limited in time and scope. Keep an eye out for those other someones you absolutely must meet. If necessary, interrupt what you’re doing if you spot someone across the room.

Or you might realize that one solid connection is worth more than 50 acquaintances any day. By listening well on an initial meeting, you’re much more likely that a potential client will return the interest and think of you as someone with whom he or she might want to work.

Act like you know people and things that you don’t. Then try to piggyback on every person’s network you might. Drop the names of famous people you might have met, but didn’t. Spout information about your industry that you don’t really know enough to talk about. No one will be listening to notice your bluff. No worries. No conversation you have will last more than five minutes or so.

Or you might show that what you know and who knows what you know is more important. sooner or later, people always find out when they have been oversold.

Do be sure to take advantage of the free hospitality. The wine and cheese are there for you. It would be wasteful not to do your part. Besides, a little more alcohol could make the night easier and your stories more entertaining — especially the ones that involve people in the network who are worth gossiping about. Great story tellers of that sort always have a long life.

Or you might start working on a reputation for never passing on stories and for always being cordially enthusiastic and in control. People wonder, if you pass on a story about someone, what story you will be telling about them.

If you’re an overachieve who wants to tackle all nine credibility killers in one fell swoop — just make everything at the event about YOU.

However, if your goal is to enjoy and prosper at future live networking events, you might find that things get easier if take the “Or” options and make everything about the other people in the room. Any day is brighter (and every career is stronger) when you don’t kill your credibility the night before.

Have you ever crashed and burned at a networking event . . . or am I the only ex-kamikaze networker I know?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
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121: I Knew Everything about Relationships Until an Audience Came

September 20, 2007 by Liz

It’s Not About Thinking

Did you catch Dawud’s Monday installment in our ongoing conversation? He deftly answered What Do You Do When A Commenter Just Isnâ€™t Hearing You? Dawud described a gracious way to respond and reminded us that we’re always talking to another person, not just words in a box. Then, he followed with a question for me — Liz, the relationship blogger.

How has your blog changed the way you think about relationships?

Ah Dawud, what a question.

The short answer is completely.

I Knew Everything about Relationships Until an Audience Came

I used to think I knew about relationships. They were an idea, involving people. I thought that relationships were a choice — take part or not. I thought they fell into neat categories like blog posts in my sidebar do — family I claim, family I don’t, friends of my heart, folks at work, folks I’ve known, . . . folks I’ve met — the fiends, the forgiven, the forgotten, and the forgettable.

I used to think I had a big heart, but obviously I was suffering from relationship myopia. It’s a common malady.

Then I got a blog.

I was already a writer. I made a blog place under a white oak on the riverbank. I prepared to write alone. A few friends would be listening — the friends of my heart. They were a handful at most. After all, how many folks want to know what I know, what I think, what I dream, what I remember, what stories I have to tell? That’s what I thought. That’s who I was.

I knew everything about relationships. I was a writer, a manager. I had been there.

Then an audience came, an audience who talked back to me.

I met a fine writer, who blogged the most marvelous stories of his past and present days. I met another who made sense of life in California . . . . and on a lonely Friday night I found someone who reveled in the glory of a weekend with a child, a poet who understood what I meant when we disagreed, and a science fiction artist/writer who virtually visited me when I wrote — I’m still inspired by them.

I met a brilliant scientist . . . moms who shared their families, an artist, a home builder, the small business guy, the crusader, the hero, the leader, the guy in charge. They didn’t fit in categories.

Someone said, “I never expected to care so much about these people who have become so dear to me.” I know exactly what she meant.

That audience, those readers, changed the way that I think and the way that I see.

I don’t think about relationships anymore. I see the people I have relationships with and the incredible differences they make. I see the changes we make in each other.

I got a blog. An audience came and changed everything. It’s still a wonder.
________________

Now a question back, Dawud.

Do you see a difference between your online relationships and those offline — beyond the obvious physical differences?

If youâ€™re reading this, I’m not just asking Dawud the question, Iâ€™d love to hear your answer too, in the comment box below.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
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One Wicked Sentence and One Whole Person

July 19, 2007 by Liz

You Are . . .

Yesterday I met with a new friend. At one point in the conversation, we were talking about that one “wicked sentence.” It’s the sentence that people say about us — an observation that is so off the mark — but it’s one that a whole group believes is true.

For years mine was, “You think you’re always right.”
My answer, “No, I know what’s right for me.”

Hers was, “You’re a phony.”
Her answer, “No, I’m sorry that you feel that way.”

I mentioned a friend who often heard, “You are manipulative.”
I said, “She isn’t at all. She cares about people. She never makes choices for them. She only offers to pass on information they might need. She won’t even gossip.”

My new friend told me, “My daughter came home from school at 5 years old asking whether she’s fat.”
She said, “She’s not, and I told her. I said, ‘You’re beautiful,’ but I knew my daughter would have to get to believing that from inside herself.”

Everyone seems to have at least one “wicked sentence” that people try to hang on them. Mine finally fell off my radar a few years ago. It faded when I learned to show up with more than just my thinking. When I put my heart in it my thoughts, people heard who I am.

That one “wicked sentence” doesn’t stand a chance against a whole person.

What wixked sentence is/was yours? How do/did you answer it?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
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Every Blogger Knows . . . Thank You Is Living on the Web

June 20, 2007 by Liz

It’s the Living!

Every blogger knows we have to repeat what we say, because sometimes folks are absent. . . . or they’re busy thinking their own thoughts . . . or we didn’t say it quite as well as we might. So when a friend says something brilliant we keep it close and use it again and again.

It starts with the words of Tony D. Clark. Thank you, friend.

The whole thing changes when the world becomes your community.

Every blogger knows having a friend who will help out is why the Internet is thriving.

Two weeks ago, I asked a favor of Mitch Matthews. Would you guest host Open Comments Night? He made it sound like I was giving him a gift. Thank you, Mitch, for jumping in with all of the energy, fun, and wonderful things you are.

Every blogger knows, when someone comes to town, it’s important to say “hello,” even if you’ve never met. As it turned out a hello became the start of a conversation with Jeff Pulver and his cousin. Eric, and ended in Jeff’s Summer Party at the House of Blues. Thank you, Jeff, for your charming curiosity, your incredible generosity, and the amazing people you gathered in one room.

Every blogger knows some folks are connected before they meet. How do you do to Chris Brogan, who greeted me with kind words from a friend, Becky McCray. Thank you, Becky. I feel like you introduced us. Thank you, Chris, for unexpectedly showing up, and showing up more than I would have expected.

Every blogger knows that coming home is the best! Thank you everyone who was here at Open Comments Last Night to make Mitch feel welcome as a guest.

Thank you, Wendy and Ari, for being part of the event last night. Fun isn’t as much fun without people who are close.

Yeah it’s right. Sometimes we have to repeat what we say, because folks are absent. . . . or they’re busy thinking their own thoughts . . . or we didn’t say it quite as well as we might. So I’ll say it again.

I’m one lucky blogger so many times over. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.