Which Social Media Apologies Rebuild Trust?

November 20, 2008 by Liz Leave a Comment

Not All Apologies Are Equal

In relationships, things go wrong. Person to person or in business, mistakes and missteps can be life changing. A wrongly placed word or deed can bring in question what had gone without thought. Suddenly trust, integrity, honesty, sensitivity, authenticity and the core values that connect us are tested.

Mistakes. No human enterprise or individual gets by without making them. We might not mean them. No harm might have been intended. Yet, we’re not harmless — we can cause hurt or damage by the way we behave. How we respond when we do, is what makes a leader.

In a business relationship recently, my property was mishandled. When I asked about it — when and how it happened — the representative said something like this …

I hear you. We’re sorry it happened. We’re looking into it, but I doubt we’ll ever know the exact sequence of events. Can we move forward now?

Not all apologies are equal. I’m not the only one who wouldn’t call that an apology.

An apology that deflects attention, that says “I regret it happened,” is not an apology.
An “I’m sorry” that doesn’t own the damage done won’t rebuild trust.
An incomplete apology is a missed opportunity to build a stronger relationship by learning from what went wrong.

Apologies that Rebuild Trust, Relationships, and Reputations

Mistakes. No human enterprise or individual gets by without making them. We might not mean them. No harm might have ever been intended. The fact remains, we’re not harmless — we can cause hurt or damage by the way we behave. How we respond when we do, is what makes a leader.

Meet a mistake with trust, the mind of a learner, and a truly other-centered apology and a newer, stronger relationship can be the result. To offer a relationship-building apology, we have to show up whole and human — with our head, heart, and purpose reaching out to fix the bonds that we’ve broken.

No person has lived a life without once behaving badly. Apologies can connect us on that point. A relationship-building apology includes many parts and a whole human behind them.

a statement of regret …
I’m sorry.
ownership of the act and responsibility for the outcome …
I behaved badly … It was may fault this happened.
acknowledgment of hurt or damage …
It made you feel small … It broke your — … It lost you business.
a promise for better behavior in the future …
It won’t happen again.
a request or or statement of hope for forgiveness or renewed trust …
I hope you can believe in me.

Apologies are about admitting human error. If you worry about saying the wrong thing, write it down and offer a choice the other person a chance to read it or listen while you do. The point is to be human and mean what we say.

Keep the apology simple. Donât use an apology to move other issues forward. Save other conversations for other days.

Never lose the opportunity to apologize.
Never take that opportunity away from someone.

Which Social Media Apologies Rebuild Trust?

In the online world, every mistake has a potential for magnification. Every word has millions of opportunities to be misread. The ability to apologize with grace and respect can build respect, relationships, and reputation. In a trust economy, the apology is a powerful form of communication. Simply said and complete, a sincere apology shows respect, inspires confidence, and makes a great step toward rebuilding the trust to move forward.

Here are five well known social media apologies …
Dell’s 23 Confessions
A Commitment On Edelman and Wal-Mart
JetBlue Launches Cross-Media Apology Campaign
Turner Broadcasting Apology Letter
Motrin

In your opinion, which social media apologies rebuild trust with the community?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
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6 Ways to Build Your Own Personal Developmental Network

November 13, 2008 by Liz 30 Comments

Not a Coach, Not a Mentor, a Network

I had an exciting conversation Sunday with Debbie Lawrence. She told me via Twitter that she had an idea in need of thoughts. A few minutes later we were on the phone exploring fresh perspectives. She reached out to get input she needed, and I got to know more about her, about her dream, and about how she’s putting into action. Not a bad trade.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, I did something similar. I reached out to people in my network to hear their thoughts on what I’m doing.

Every day I touch base with people to tweak what I’m thinking to check on directions I might go. I’ve done this consistently with the most important challenges I’m pursuing. The people I ask are my Personal Developmental Network — a small group of intelligent, incredible people, who help me stay on track with my goals.

6 Ways to Build Your Own Personal Developmental Network

Many folks find a mentor by accident. Some never had one. Some turn to the closest person they meet at a new job or choose to go it alone it. Others work with a coach or a trainer. A few make a commitment to a mastermind team. They’re similar, but not the same as a Personal Developmental Network.

In their Wall Street Journal report Kathy E. Kram and Monica C. Higgins defined a personal developmental networks this way.

A better approach is to create and cultivate a developmental network — a small group of people to whom you can turn for regular mentoring support and who have a genuine interest in your learning and development. Think of it as your personal board of directors

Kram and Higgins’ approach to building a developmental network is career and business focused — pointing out how network composition might change based on where we are professional path: entry level, midcareer, or senior manager. Their suggestions focus on career goals.

Their key steps match my own, but their execution is more narrow.

I need a more holistic approach. I don’t want a professional life that’s divorced from my life as a human. When I face down my hugest goals and quests, I want my whole life — head and heart — focused on the same purpose. So I suggest that we start with their key steps to building a Personal Developmental Network and expand them to include more than what happens under the heading “business / professional.”

For me, the purpose of a Personal Developmental Network is to offer guidance in becoming the best I can be inside and outside the world of business. My approach to building my network is life focused — I want a network that helps me grow as a human meant to achieve something and I believe that a network that grows with me offers depth and insight that are priceless.

Here are the five solid, complete, and intuitive main ideas Kram and Higgins put forward and suggestions after each for building your own Personal Developmental Network.

1. Know Thyself — Start with a foundation of concrete not sand.
— Qualitative Observations: Ask people who know you to describe your strongest traits — those that serve you well and those that get in the way. You’ll recognize the people who know you best by the way that you think, feel, and act in their presence. When we’re with people who know us, we don’t think about our responses or edit our behaviors. Explain why you’re asking and offer them more than one way to give you feedback: directly to you in person, on paper, via an interview by a mutual friend.

— Quantitative Assessment: Go over every test, performance appraisal, and personality measure you’ve taken. Check out others for a fresh view and learn what you can from them. Look for friends who have worked with the tools or tests you choose. You might try a combination of Strengths Finder, the Enneagram, and the Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory.

— Personal Reflection: Spend an hour / day for a week thinking about past successes in your life — in personal and business situations. Look for traits and strategies that served you through all of them.

Know what you know and know its value.

2. Know Your Context — Pick your path.
Look three years down the road and visualize where you want to do be. Draw that picture out in as much detail as you possibly can. If you can’t settle your mind on one single path, perhaps that the first task to work on with your network.

3. Enlist Developers — Choose unique and valuable guides.
Choose people you would bet your reputation on — people who share your standards and have similar goals. Take care to choose people who also offer different views. A strong network might include:

— a close friend who knows you and your history, both business and personal.
— someone from your business industry who knows you less well
— two or three someones who are from other industries
— two or three someones you respect and admire, but don’t know well

Decide how you’ll keep them in your life. Will you meet with them when you have questions or meet regularly?

4. Regularly Reassess — Seek opportunities to learn what you’re learning.
Go back to the assessment in Step 1 on a regular basis. Check in with those close friends by asking, “How’ve I changed that you can see?”

5. Develop Others — Return the favor and pay it forward.
Be of service to the people who are helping you. Always reach out for ways to give back more than you receive. When someone teaches you a skill, ask how you might use that skill to help that teacher. Ask questions, listen actively, and be first to offer a favor without strings. People remember sincere curiosity and true generosity.

The best way to seal what we’ve learned is by teaching. Offer to help someone who thinks you’ve already arrived. Take every opportunity to reach out to offer what you’ve learned.

6. AND THE ONE THAT WAS MISSING — Communicate. Let your network know when you need help, when you have questions, or even when you need to vent in a safe venue. A developmental network that doesn’t know where we are can’t help us move ahead.

A developmental network is not made from casual friending or confirming of followers. It’s the people who understand why we’re passionate about our calling. Like a personal board of directors, a true developmental network is people who know us, who value our trust and our reputation, and who are willing to offer their best thinking to move us forward. If we choose them well, we grow in all facets of our life.

Watch for and welcome every wise teacher you encounter. Wisdom and experience are a prize. True teachers show themselves by offering advice, expecting nothing in return. Mentors who come your way, offering experience and connections, see something in you. Let them help you discover what that is and what it could be if you let it grow.

Welcome all wise teachers into a Powerful Developmental Network.

Nobody likes to go it alone, and it’s not a good idea. We need each other for information, insight, and inspiration.

I bet you’ve got some sort of Personal Developmental Network already started. What sort of teacher is missing? How might you more fully engage those important teachers and supporters in the quest you’re on?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
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Six Steps to a Remarkably Powerful, Personal Network

December 10, 2007 by Liz 34 Comments

It’s NOT Who You Know

My recent trip to the UK has me thinking about networking. I’ve never really liked the term, it makes pictures of strangers and stress in my head. So I think in terms of meeting people instead.

We live and interact with people. People help, support, and reach out. They interfere, compete, and ignore. Relationships with people can make the road to our dreams easier and the load on shoulders lighter. They can also thwart our plans and fill our heads with dust.

People who know where we want to go and how hard we’re working to get there can be a most powerful force. Love, friendship, camaraderie, influence, credibility, trust, authenticity all add up to relationships.

Every business is relationships and relationships are every one’s business.

When Fewer Is More

A living network is more than a list of contacts or friends that we’ve exchanged cursory messages with. A true network is people who know us and people we trust with our reputation. If we choose them well, our network of influencers expands our knowledge and our reach exponentially further and deeper simultaneously.

Networks like that take time to build and require attention. Two main qualities describe a network that is remarkably powerful.

A remarkably powerful network is limited in size. Small is flexible and makes it easy to stay closely connected.

A remarkably powerful network is varied in experience and expertise, but in agreement on high standards of quality in all things.

You might have heard “It’s not what you know, but who you know.”

That’s not exactly true.

Six Steps to a Remarkably Powerful, Personal Network

A living network can open doors and make connections to people we only wish we knew. Follow these six steps to build and care for a living network that will powerfully support you as you move forward in your personal and professional life.

Know what you know and know its value. What you know is important. Don’t overvalue it. Don’t undervalue it. Simply understand how common or rare your knowledge and your unique skill set are. Know where they are useful and think through who might be delighted to find someone who does what you do.

Build relationships not an address book. Relationships grow in value and mature with age. They also require time and attention to do so. Choose people you would bet your reputation on — people who share your standards and have similar goals. People who set the bar where you do will connect to other people you’ll want to know.

It’s about who knows what you know (and who knows what your skills are.) Learn to explain your expertise easily to people who have influence. Influencers naturally talk about folks who are great at what they do. Influencers get asked for recommendations. If no one knows what you do well, it won’t matter who knows you.

Be the first to offer help. Be interested in everyone you meet. Ask questions, listen actively, and be first to offer a favor without strings. People remember sincere curiosity and true generosity, especially from someone they’ve just met. Every generous act is an opportunity to share your expertise with those who might help you. Do it unconditionally and they’ll remember both the work and you.

Watch for and welcome every wise teacher you encounter. Wisdom and experience are a prize. True teachers show themselves by offering advice, expecting nothing in return. Mentors who come your way, offering experience and connections, see something in you. Let them help you discover what that is and what it could be if you let it grow.

Take every opportunity to reach out and to stay connected. Know that listening and speaking with friends is how we keep their interests in our hearts and minds. Stay interested in them and most of them will stay interested in you.

Keeping an eye toward reality and respect is how to develop a remarkably powerful network. This relational group will be a much smaller subset of the network of folks that you know. Still, as they say, we reap what we sow. A network built from relationships that are carefully tended is likely to become a remarkable group of lifelong friends and colleagues.

With a powerful personal network, it seems so much easier to become all our potential will allow.

Sometimes fewer is also more. Are you looking for a few good connections?

Be irresistible.
–ME “Liz” Strauss
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All of the Information Available

July 5, 2007 by Liz 16 Comments

Knowing What We Can Know

Strategy is setting a vision, making a path, knowing what we can know, and planning for the variables. To know what we know . . . That means having command of the information available.

For a while now, new bloggers, mostly those who are younger, have emailed or IMed to ask me the most basic questions. It’s usually obvious from their message that they haven’t done the any research to answer the question on their own. I used to answer and send them on their way again. I don’t anymore. Now I point them in the direction where they might look.

Are they wrong to ask? No.

It’s always good to ask someone who’s been there. Though you might argue when to do that.

But they’re wrong if they rely on me to do their homework. It hurts them for several reasons.

I don’t have all of the answers.
My information could be dated.
I’m wrong as often as I’m right.
They’re not investing in themselves.

I’m only one source in a world of the Internet. We often stop at the first answer to our questions. The first answer isn’t necessarily the best. It’s a great strategy to seek out all of the information available.

Do a search.
Ask someone who usually agrees, someone who usually disagrees, and someone who usually doesn’t have an opinion.
Ask an expert.

Having a strategy to find all of the information available at the beginning sets the foundation to build upon. Curiosity is a great teacher.

end of story.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
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Brand YOU – When An Apology Is in Order

April 6, 2006 by Liz 8 Comments

The Challenge of Apologies

Handling an apology can seem like an overwhelming challenge, especially in a business situation. At the least, it makes everyone involved self-conscious. With a clear head and a eye toward resolution, apologizing can be the same as handling any other problem. Follow the same five basic steps.

Handle Yourself Not the Apology

1. Give yourself a chance to breathe.

2. Slow down your thinking.

3. Know the part where you are wrong.

4. Gain your balance and make a plan.

5. Move forward with calm and confidence.

Remember again to breathe.

Giving and Receiving Apologies

Don’t let the words, “I’m sorry,” scare you. They’re powerful words that, when given with care, can gain you more respect. An apology well received can do the same. It’s the fear of those two words that makes apologies go wrong.

Realize when you walk into a situation where an apology is going to happen that there is no person who has not behaved badly at some point in his or her life. If you’re having trouble starting, say so. If you feel you can say things more clearly in writing do so. Then offer the other person the choice to listen while you read it or to read it while you wait.

With apologies, less is more. Mean what you say and keep it simple. Don’t use an apology to move an agenda forward. Use these principles to uphold the integrity of your brand and to help everyone involved feel like a person of value.

When Apologizing

1. Own what you did wrong.

2. Start by saying why you are apologizing–that you value the person and the relationship and why it is important to you.

3. Say you’re sorry and say what you’re sorry for. “I’m sorry, I behaved badly.”

4. Don’t expect a response. It’s okay, if there isn’t one. Leave the other person a place to stand.

5. Thank the other person for listening.

When Accepting an Apology

1. Know that the other person feels self-conscious too. Be gracious and accepting.

2. Do say thank you. It feels more honest and equal than, “I accept.”

3. If you’re sorry too, say so. Don’t say things that aren’t true.

4. Always leave the other person a place to stand.

5. Always give the other person as much time as he or she needs.

Have a conversation after the apology. It’s a chance to get to know that person in a new way. Be thoughtful and honest, and you may forge a stronger relationship built on new respect.

A True Leader

Once you have apologized or heard an apology, move on to cooler more interesting matters. Don’t keep apologizing or talking about the incident. The horse is dead. The sale’s been made–don’t buy it back. Too much talk about it will devalue what’s already been said. The power of “I’m sorry,” diminishes the more times you repeat it. It also makes for more discomfort.

Do spend quality time as one human being with another sharing undivided attention. You may not make a new best friend, but you will find a person who has a few things in common with you. That’s a starting point for a new working relationship. You’ve just been through something hard together.

Apologies are never easy, but they don’t need to be scary or humiliating. The ability to apologize with grace and respect is a quality of a true leader.

–ME “Liz” Strauss