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Book Review: Executive Presence by Sylvia Ann Hewlett

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When I first entered the workforce, my version of executive presence was a navy blue skirt suit. I struggled to be taken seriously as a writer in an office full of engineers. (That was also at a time when IBM required female employees to wear pantyhose.)

It took me years to realize that the suit alone wasn’t going to do it.

In our casual, work-from-the-couch, wear-pajamas business environment, it’s more important than ever to work on the elusive quality of executive presence.

Skills like gravitas, clear communication, a polished appearance, and authenticity are increasingly rare, but are required for building a successful business. Our own Molly Cantrell-Craig wrote earlier this year about Indiana Jones and his leadership style (you don’t need to carry a bullwhip).

Executive Presence book

In Executive Presence, author Sylvia Ann Hewlett dares to puncture the balloon of puffed up “personal branding” that is often a lazy way to fake presence. She knows what she’s talking about. She is an internationally recognized expert on workplace power and influence who began her career as an insecure, sheltered Welsh girl breaking into the elite echelons at Cambridge University.

There’s a Grand Canyon-like chasm between choosing a color scheme for your wardrobe and having the cojones to tell your boss that she has just suggested something unethical.

The book is full of true stories and practical advice from men and women who have forged a path of leadership as business owners and as management.

How to Increase Your Executive Presence (A Sampling)

  • Tackle the hard things yourself. Don’t hide in your office and expect colleagues to take care of the tough tasks.
  • Become known as the calm in the eye of the storm. When everyone else is panicking, be the person who holds it together and makes decisions.
  • Surround yourself with people who are better than you are. Have the guts to admit what you’re not good at, and hire people who are strong in your areas of weakness.
  • Overprepare for everything. Be ready to contribute and speak up.
  • Get rid of communication crutches, both verbal tics (like saying um or uh) and physical crutches like avoiding eye contact.
  • When it comes to your appearance, focus on being appropriate to the situation/audience.
  • Your work attire should be your armor, making you feel invincible, not insecure. If you don’t feel right, that’s a signal from your inner voice.
  • If you need help in developing presence, consider connecting with a mentor or sponsor, someone you admire who already has presence.

Executive Presence is a handy little book for anyone who is new to the workforce, re-entering the workforce, or who wants to build a personal brand that makes an impact. It would be an outstanding graduation gift.

Do you feel that people respond to you as a leader when you’re making new connections?

Author’s Bio: Rosemary O’Neill is an insightful spirit who works for social strata — a top ten company to work for on the Internet . Check out the Social Strata blog. You can find Rosemary on Google+ and on Twitter as @rhogroupee

What do you miss by not listening?

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I was a precocious child, especially as it related to language and vocabulary. As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, due to my congenital heart defect, I logged a LOT of time in hospitals from infancy up through around age six.

The good news is, because of my love for reading and innate bookish-ness, by the time I reached school age, I had already amassed a formidable vocabulary for a child my age. The bad news? I developed the habit of mentally finishing others’ sentences (including those of teachers) when I could tell that (s)he was searching for a word to use.

Most of the time, I was actually right, which only reinforced this crippling habit. I say crippling, because it trained me to presume to know what others meant. I shut out possibilities of what was being said. I missed out on such a wealth of knowledge and perspective because I didn’t allow myself to access the totality of what they knew.

Learning how to truly restrain your urge to interrupt or to otherwise squelch/impede the communication of another is central to your growth and evolution as a human being.

“There are people who, instead of listening to what is being said to them, are already listening to what they are going to say themselves.” ~ Albert Guinon

1. Guilty. Once in awhile I still find myself doing this, especially if the person with whom I am speaking talks slowly. When I was in radio, the concept of “Dead Air“ was a programming fail, so my need to fill verbal vacuums still rears its head on occasion.

2. You probably already work with or encounter this type of “listener” every day. These are they who pounce right back into the volley of voices with a pat, shiny sentence that skims the surface of the initial part of your conversation (without considering or hearing what you said after the first few seconds).

“To listen fully means to pay close attention to what is being said beneath the words. You listen not only to the ‘music,’ but to the essence of the person speaking. You listen not only for what someone knows, but for what he or she is. Ears operate at the speed of sound, which is far slower than the speed of light the eyes take in. Generative listening is the art of developing deeper silences in yourself, so you can slow our mind’s hearing to your ears’ natural speed, and hear beneath the words to their meaning.” ~ Peter Senge

Imagine that you are a huge reservoir for ideas, information and knowledge. In order to prepare a storage space for all of this good stuff, you need to create silence within. This is analogous to Bruce Lee’s “empty cup” reference. Meditation is ideal for learning how to accept silence in your head. Once you learn how to modulate your inner static, you can begin accumulating others’ wisdom through listening.

Conscious breathing is also essential for creating a cadence between and among speakers so that you can create spaces around the various ideas and concepts that are being exchanged. Learning how to use breath as a pause point or centering opportunity also acts as a calming agent so that the speaker doesn’t feel rushed and you as a listener have the opportunity to focus on what is being said.

“Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.” ~ Karl Menninger

The best listening is a dynamic act. It is a symbiotic ebb and flow between and among people, ideally each of whom brings something to the conversation and each takes away something valuable.

I love the concept within this last quote about how listening “creates us.” Even if we keep a journal, or talk aloud to ourselves (on the commute, making the coffee…), it is priceless to have interplay with other people who have their own abilities to discern, listen and offer feedback.

What is your greatest obstacle to effective listening? How does being heard make a difference in your business? life? When was there a time when you truly felt understood and how did affect your performance or outcomes?

I’d love to hear about it.

———–

Molly Cantrell-Kraig is a woman with drive. Possessing an innate sense of purpose and a pragmatic, solution-based approach to empowering people, she fused these two traits in order to establish Women With Drive Foundation. Based upon its founder’s personal history, Women With Drive Foundation is a means through which Cantrell-Kraig may effect change on both a micro and macro level. By providing women with something as essential as personal transportation in order to transition them from poverty to prosperity, she, through Women With Drive Foundation, seeks to empower women to help them help themselves. Through this action, the individual applicant benefits, as does society as a whole. Follow Molly on twitter as @mckra1g or @WWDr1ve (Women With Drive Foundation) or “Like” them on facebook.

Leadership lessons from Indiana Jones

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I love movies. LOVE them. I don’t know if its the fusion of visual narrative with the coziness of a theatre and the concept of a singular, yet communal experience, but I cannot get enough of movies. I’ve learned many life lessons through movies, some of which I have been spared in real life because I was able to learn them by proxy via a movie protagonist.

For a peek behind the curtain, so to speak, you can read some of my celluloid-digital-literary meanderings on a groovy site called The Pop Bunker.

Leadership and solopreneurism requires a certain amount of derring do, so I thought about applying a more Hollywood-esque whimsical spin and share some lessons I learned from brainy swashbuckling archaeologist Henry [Indiana] Jones that help me to be more productive and courageous.

Face your fears: In Raiders of the Lost Ark, Indy encounters one of his greatest fears in The Well of Souls (interesting name for the location. Subtext, perhaps?) The place is literally crawling with snakes.

The floor is a seething, slithering mass of serpents and in order to escape, Indy draws from his reserves of wit and strength, and overcomes his loathing of these creatures. By facing his fear head on, he explores alternatives, adapts and lives to see another day.

So, too, must we, if we are to transform our lives, and in the phrase used by a personal hero of mine, Sarah Robinson, “escape mediocrity.” The very first post I ever wrote for this series has to do with fears as tether.

In order to become the most evolved version of yourself, you must continue to distill, face and overcome your fears.

Believe first; see second: Speaking very personally, I think 2014 is the year when I really get to work on this one. In Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Indy has already navigated past quite a few obstacles on his way to seek The Holy Grail. He is driven to find the Grail, because his father has been shot and pouring water from the Grail onto the wound is the only way his father’s life will be saved.

He comes to a seemingly dead end: a crevasse across which there is no visible span. He must take a step into the abyss, trusting that the way will be made clear and he can safely pass.

Truth? I hate this feeling. I truly get so annoyed at not having proof or assurances before taking a risk, but that’s not the way faith works. Faith isn’t faith if you know the outcome.

As you make your way into larger and more complex realms in this year, you will be asked to take risks in order to grow. You will have as your guides other people who have succeeded or perhaps books, as Indy did, full of notations made by his father. But the fact remains that if you wish to reach your goals, you will have to step out in faith.

Use your strength to liberate others: Near the end of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Indy and his band of friends have escaped. They have the Sankara Stone they need – the acquisition of which was the reason for their journey from the beginning. However, through the course of the film, Indy realizes that the mining of the sacred stones has been done by the children of the villages that surround the mines.

Before heading out for a safe plane and a return trip to his college classroom, Indy declares that the children will be liberated from their slavery and returned to their families in the villages.

In a similar fashion, as you get stronger through overcoming challenges in the coming year, you will also be presented with opportunities to share your wisdom gained from these experiences with others who have yet to emancipate themselves.

Are there lessons you’ve gleaned from Dr. Jones? What adventures have you experienced and challenges overcome?

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Molly Cantrell-Kraig is a woman with drive. Possessing an innate sense of purpose and a pragmatic, solution-based approach to empowering people, she fused these two traits in order to establish Women With Drive Foundation. Based upon its founder’s personal history, Women With Drive Foundation is a means through which Cantrell-Kraig may effect change on both a micro and macro level. By providing women with something as essential as personal transportation in order to transition them from poverty to prosperity, she, through Women With Drive Foundation, seeks to empower women to help them help themselves. Through this action, the individual applicant benefits, as does society as a whole. Follow Molly on twitter as @mckra1g or @WWDr1ve (Women With Drive) or like them on facebook.

How self-discipline shapes success

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Discipline is the difference between winning and losing; and success or failure. You must have discipline to reach your goals and dreams. Without a consistent internal barometer and accountability, most of us tend to do very little. We take the easy way out or short cuts, which rarely lead to success.

I can tell when I’m slacking, because my soul feels like it has been eating Skittles instead of Clif bars. I’m mentally sluggish and have difficulty focusing on where I want to go and how I’m going to get there.

However, in a warped way, being able to tell when you’re off course is the first way of getting back on the right path.

“In reading the lives of great men, I found that the first victory they won was over themselves. Self-discipline with all of them came first.” ~ Harry S. Truman

Discipline is an inside job. While it is true that having external boundaries can help mold and shape individuals, ultimately, it is the decision of each of us to carry out what we know in our hearts to be right for ourselves.

It’s true: we do have to live with ourselves. If our actions cause others pain or annoyance, they can and may leave our lives. Friends, partners, teachers, bosses, spouses – all of them can cycle in and out of our existence. We are the only people who will be with us the entire time.

What can we do to build a satisfying and productive life? Discipline.

“No horse gets anywhere until he is harnessed. No stream or gas drives anything until it is confined. No Niagara is ever turned into light and power until it is tunneled. No life ever grows great until it is focused, dedicated, disciplined.” ~ Harry Emerson Fosdick

How do begin to build? How do you harness, mold and focus your energies? Over the course of the next three blog posts, we’ll explore the following in greater detail, but for now here are the essentials:

  1. Love what you do.
  2. Like who you are.
  3. Respect yourself in others.

The paradox is that by investing and building in oneself, others benefit. There is a difference between selfish and self care. Learning how to invest in ourselves and understanding how to direct intent can influence outcomes. Together, we’ll explore how discipline contributes to the foundation of a life well lived.

As an exercise, think back to a time in your life where you achieved a goal, mastered a skill or succeeded. What were the steps you took to get there? Can you recall the arc of the journey (ie. immersion, frustration, acceptance, practice and proficiency)? As you go about your days over the next week, allow your brain to sift those questions. Scribble down your thoughts or otherwise record your answers as they float to the surface. They will help you grow and develop new habits.

Recognizing these thoughts are the first step in self-discipline!

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Molly Cantrell-Kraig is a woman with drive. Possessing an innate sense of purpose and a pragmatic, solution-based approach to empowering people, she fused these two traits in order to establish Women With Drive Foundation. Based upon its founder’s personal history, Women With Drive Foundation is a means through which Cantrell-Kraig may effect change on both a micro and macro level. By providing women with something as essential as personal transportation in order to transition them from poverty to prosperity, she, through Women With Drive Foundation, seeks to empower women to help them help themselves. Through this action, the individual applicant benefits, as does society as a whole. Follow Molly on twitter as @mckra1g or @WWDr1ve (Women With Drive)

6 Ways to Credit Your Team

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By Ben Morton

Recently I was reading an article on INC entitled ‘The Difference Between Managers and Leaders‘ by Ilya Pozin where he provided some fantastic insights. Ilya’s fifth point was this:

‘Managers want credit, leaders credit their teams’

This is a brilliant point. When it’s acted upon the impact that it has on the leader’s connection with their team, the trust that it engenders, and the respect it earns the leader is huge.

What was really interesting to me though was one of the comments from a reader.

‘How do I give credit when I answer to the MD without my staff present; how will my staff know?’

This is actually a great question which prompted me to stop and reflect on how I have actually gone about this during my leadership career. So, here are my personal and very practical tips to do this.

1. They will just know…

Here’s the key thing. If you start from a position of genuinely wanting to support your people and ‘give credit where credit is due’ then you will naturally credit you team whenever you can. By consistently crediting your team to your boss, your peers, your customers or whoever it may be, these people will eventually come back to your team and say something like this…

‘Hi John. Ben told me about all the work you put into that proposal – great job and thanks’

So you see – they will just know.

2. Reactive email

When you get that email from your boss saying ‘thank you’ or ‘great job’ why not respond, cc’ing your team or the individual, saying something like…

“Thanks Nigel but it was actually Gemma who did all of the hard work on that project so she really needs the praise. Well done again Gemma and thanks.’

3. Proactive email

Instead of waiting to redirect the credit to your team why not be proactive by sending a thank you email to your team and cc’ing your boss.

4. Ask your boss to thank them

Next time you are in a meeting with your boss and you tell him or her that it was your team that put in all of the hard work why not say something like this…

‘The team worked really hard on that project Nigel and it would be great if you could stop by and say well done or drop them a really short email.’

It would take a pretty cold boss to refuse such a request.

5. Pass on credit in public

During a team meeting or company event look for the opportunities to publicly pass on the credit, praise and thank your team or individuals for all of their hard work.

6. Use the intranet

If your company has an intranet site why not post a very short news article celebrating the team or individual’s success and attributing the credit to them.

Hopefully you’ve found this list useful and there are some things in here that you will go and apply to help move you from a good manager to an exceptional leader. I know that there are lots more ways to give credit to your team and I’d love to hear what you are doing…

Author’s Bio: BEN MORTON is a Consultant at TwentyOne Leadership specialising in the provision of high quality leadership training, mentoring and coaching. He has approaching two decades experience in leadership, learning and management along with a wealth of expertise in strategic Human Resource management drawn from experience as a Board Member in small entrepreneurial organizations and working in large multi-nationals such as Tesco and TUI Travel. Having led expeditions around the globe from the Alps of Europe to the Steppe Country of Mongolia and served two operational tours of Iraq as an Officer in the British Army, Ben understands what it takes to lead people in the most difficult of conditions. He’s passionate about sharing his knowledge, experience and expertise.

Make your yes count by saying no

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Steve Jobs has a quote about focus being not the ability to say “yes,” but is instead the discernment and power to say “no” to everything else that takes you off your course.

This is a slight shift in the interpretation of focus, but it makes a huge difference in the way leaders allocate their time and choices if they wish to accomplish their goals.

“Learn to say ‘no.’ It will be of more use to you than to be able to read Latin.” ~ Charles H. Spurgeon

Take a quick inventory of the time you spend each week doing something for someone else. While you’re at it, think also of the choices you make that are not in line with your values or your goals. How much of your time is spent pursuing someone else’s opinion of what you should do or can be?

Most of us hate to say no.

Whether it’s because we want to be liked or because we fear that we’ll appear weak, many of us struggle with giving voice to that small, but significant syllable. Some of us have deep, systemic “people pleaser” issues that are born of low self esteem. When people pleasers say yes to projects or volunteer opportunities, it’s usually because they seek approval or want recognition.

Some of us wish to appear as though we are super-human, efficient go-getters. But this facade is also based upon insecurity: if we say no, we fear being passed over when promotion time rolls around. Or we’re letting someone down. Especially in the age of social media, iPads and smartphones, people are expected to be accessible all of the time.

But what happens when we dilute ourselves to the point of being unrecognizable and inefficient?

“Until you value yourself, you will not value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.” ~ M. Scott Peck

Take another look back at your week. How much of it can you actually remember? Was most of it spent in a flurry of busy-work that seemed to blur into one big To Do List? Did you feel as though you were a hamster in a wheel?

Or did you set conscious, measurable goals and jettison anything that didn’t align with your intention? No week is perfect, and there will always be unforeseen obstacles that present themselves. There will be days that go off the rails shortly after you’ve had your first cup of coffee.

That said, if we hope to become independent, we must discipline ourselves to set and stick to an overriding set of goals: immediate, intermediate and ultimate. When faced with a request from someone that doesn’t dovetail with what we’ve determined to be our goal, we must summon the courage to say no.

“The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.” ~ Henry David Thoreau

The day I internalized this quote was the day that my schedule magically opened up. After I read a book called Your Money or Your Life, it was literally as if the biblical scales fell from my eyes. My choices and time commitments stood out in stark relief. I could see with perfect clarity where I needed to focus my time and what I could let go.

Once you reconcile the fact that every choice you make costs energy (time, money, effort), you start to view your commitments and investments with an entirely new set of eyes. Only you will know what has value and what does not.

• “How much of my life am I willing to pay for this choice?”
• “If I say yes to the PTA meeting, I’m saying no to playing catch with my daughter.”
• “If I say yes to buying this $50K car, I’m saying no to a good chunk of my retirement planning.”

Furthermore, every commitment or yes that takes you farther from your presumed goals also keeps you from independence. You are ultimately beholden by the choices you make.

“Review our priorities, ask the question; ‘What’s the best use of our time right now?'” ~ Alan Lakein

Again, none of us are perfect and there are going to be days where you have the ambition of a slug. However, this must be the exception and not the rule if you wish to be free. Discipline creates the paradox of freedom. Create habits and touchstones in your day to keep yourself on course for the times when you’re experiencing free fall:

• Before you leave your office/end your work day, write down three things that you need to (MUST) tackle first thing the next day.
• Block off one hour per day to take stock, realign your choices or perform course correction.
• Exercise. This must become a non-negotiable. In addition to multiple physical benefits, exercise is a commitment to yourself that pays mental dividends.
• Practice mindfulness. When you’re juggling three things at once, become aware of what you are doing. Ask yourself, “What’s the best use of my time right now?” Delegate or stop doing the unnecessary, or something that can be done equally well by someone else.
• Follow through with your decisions.

“Time is the most valuable coin in your life. You and you alone will determine how that coin will be spent. Be careful that you don’t let other people spend it for you.” ~ John Dryden

When we find ourselves mindlessly saying yes to everyone else, we are saying no to ourselves. Our hopes. Our goals. Our dreams. There’s a difference between self-care and selfish. Saying no doesn’t mean that we are selfish.

If you’ve seen the movie Bruce Almighty, you’ll remember what happens when Bruce (as God) wills everyone to win the lottery. Everyone wins a few cents. The same thing happens when saying yes to everyone at the expense of what you really desire. It’s an underwhelming, diffuse sort of effort/payoff. Just think of how much more you can help people when you say no when necessary so that you can spend your time on that which truly fulfills you.

Your effectiveness increases. You live a more abundant life. You’re able to truly give from a place of security and sanity. Give yourself permission to say no.

When was a time that you said no and lived to tell the tale? How did your decision affect you? the folks around you?

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Molly Cantrell-Kraig is a woman with drive. Possessing an innate sense of purpose and a pragmatic, solution-based approach to empowering people, she fused these two traits in order to establish Women With Drive Foundation. Based upon its founder’s personal history, Women With Drive Foundation is a means through which Cantrell-Kraig may effect change on both a micro and macro level. By providing women with something as essential as personal transportation in order to transition them from poverty to prosperity, she, through Women With Drive Foundation, seeks to empower women to help them help themselves. Through this action, the individual applicant benefits, as does society as a whole. Follow Molly on twitter as @mckra1g or @WWDr1ve (Women With Drive Foundation)