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How to Break Out of the Appealing Black Hole of Self-Doubt

March 25, 2009 by Liz

It’s Hard to Shine in a Black Hole

I like sky. It gives me perspective. I think of the stars and how even the tiniest of them shines. It’s their nature to do that. They don’t worry or question whether the star to them is brighter, bigger, or doing something they should be doing.

It’s true. We’re made of the same stuff as stars.

When we’re true to ourselves, we shine like the stars do. We’re focused. We move with what’s inside and what’s true.

When we’re too involved in what folks are thinking and doing, it throws us off. Trying to keep up with other folks thoughts and feelings is impossible and overwhelming. It skews us. It changes our vision. We see inconsequential actions as huge events.

We put the “self” in self doubt.
That throws our whole universe into chaos.

You see, the universe isn’t meant to revolve around us.

The Black Hole

The black hole — a negative funk and flat out of energy.

We’re riding high, making dreams, and seeing the future bend to our wishes. Then something changes things. We lose a job, leave a lover, get sick, get scared, or work our way into mess and can’t find our way out. We’re disconnected from everything, including ourselves.

We try to reason, but we argue for why we’re stuck. We can name every part of the problem that’s outside of us. We close our eyes to anything that will help. We make the black hole even darker.

It’s hard to shine in a black hole.

What Makes Staying in a Black Hole So Appealing?

I know. I’ve been there. Here’s what I know –> Getting out can seem hard. Staying can seem safe. Yet, as comfortable as holing away can be — black holes don’t let the light in.

Hiding in a black hole of self-doubt, has its appeal. Black holes keep us from facing these challenges and realities …

    that folks might discount the dimensions of our devastation.
    that we own part of the situation.
    that we have control to change things.
    that we’ll have to let people watch us learning.
    we have to lay down our pain, our embarassment, and give again.

Ben Franklin said, “Things that hurt, instruct.”

And people and stars are made of the same stuff.

But hanging in black hole is stressful, boring, and unattractive. It makes us negative and unhappy. When we’re unhappy enough, those challenges won’t be such a burden. We’ll blast out all at once, because we’re hungry for direction, energy, and hope.

Blasting out of a black hole is a decision. Here’s how to execute once you find a black hole of self-doubt isn’t a place worth being.

  1. Open your eyes and tell yourself off. Let the light in. You get to decide how happy you’ll be. Own your life.

  2. Do something for someone. Be generous. Get out of the center of your universe and back into orbit. You’ll lighten up.

  3. Make promises to the person you are AND keep them. Prove your integrity to yourself. Everyone else will see that shine through.

  4. Find out what other folks can teach you. Learn why someone cares about something you find insignificant. Learn how to say what you feel.

  5. Change your mind. Quit problem thinking. Argue for solutions. Align your goals with the the people you trust.

  6. Listen with your whole being. Listen for what people are not saying. Listen to what your actions are saying. Learn to laugh when you hear yourself whine.

  7. Make a small child smile. You were a child once. You know how.

A wise person once told me that change is the only constant. If we know nothing lasts we don’t attach too tightly. We value ideas and people. When we shine, it lets others know they can shine too.

Shine like the star you are. We need your light.

How do you shine your way out of self-doubt?

–ME “Liz” Strauss

Related
The Top 10 Ways to Start Living Your Life
7 Reasons and Ways to Leave the Center of the Universe to Come Back to Us Again

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Shine in a roomful of stars!

Filed Under: Motivation, Successful Blog Tagged With: bc, LinkedIn, Motivation/Inspiration

The Castaways of Survivor SxSW Austin: How to Find ADOS Immunity at a Huge Conference

March 23, 2009 by Liz

Off to the Island We Go

I was still a young pup when I discovered the key to conferences. It doesn’t matter what industry you’re in. They’re arranged, funded, and attended by people. People at conferences seem to fall victim to the same behaviors. By the end, the folks leaving can look like they’ve lived a season of Survivor — Take for example this recent conference: Survivor SxSW Austin.

People were off to the island of Austin. Soon enough SxSW castaways realized that their ties to home were gone. We started saying hello; finding common ground; seeing who had a SxSW badge, forming our teams. The people of the town, the people of restaurants, the people in the cars, cabs, and hallways become like so much scenery — we only interacted with them when we needed essentials — food, clothing, and shelter (well, mostly food.)

Survivor SxSW became Reality 2.0. Anticipation was high. Possibilities were higher. Intentions and expectations were everywhere. “Do everything” looked like the only option between now and home. Survival required focus and follow through in the alien environment that only a huge conference can be. The folks who came without training were at a serious disadvantage.

The 3 questions on the Survivor site were heard throughout the week.

  • Who’s most under-estimated?
  • What’s the wildest moment so far?
  • Which castaway seems most out of their element?

Who would be left standing at the end of a week?

It’s easy to feel alone. No one gets automatic immunity. You have to find your own.

The Castaways

Huge conference after huge conference the cast doesn’t seem to change. Let me introduce you to the folks I always see. They were there last year … but like a new season of Survivor, they seemed to be the same people with different names.

  1. The first timer: She was glad to be there and overwhelmed that everyone knew what she didn’t — that just because you know 100 people at the same conference, it doesn’t mean you’ll see any of them. She’s was soon wishing she’d come with comfortable shoes, with a plan, with a friend to keep her company.
  2. The up and comer: He went for the win. In a few hours, everyone knew him. He was networking until the cows came home, or at least back to his hotel. You’ll know him by the number of flickr pix that you find tagged with his name. Do you have a copy of his book? Wait, he hasn’t had time to write it yet.
  3. The information junkie: Her head was in the panels. She could quote chapter and verse of the keynotes and blogged every question. Her program was worn to shreds from handling by Day 2. She exchanged cards with every speaker, but didn’t really have a conversation the entire week.
  4. The party monkeys: Each morning they built alliances on the list of parties they’d attend that evening. The next day they spoke slowly about how long the lines were. They lost their voices and their hearing by bits with each new sunrise.
  5. The rockstar: She showed up for appearances, did her gig, smiled at fans, shook their hands, and disappeared almost as quickly. She might have gotten off most easily because her unreal fame fits the unreality of the conference with a resonating rhythm.
  6. The social jockey: He decided what to do and which people to spend time with based on whether they add to his visibility. You know your star is rising if his kind spoke with you this year.
  7. The sponsors and the sponsored: They worked their butts off and hardly had time to talk. They made everything happen. When they had downtime they talked business or partied like the attendees.
  8. The camera crew: The camera crew was busy with their cameras. They are not allowed to interact while the cameras are on. They’ll experience the conference when they look through their flickr accounts.
  9. The pros: They treated the conference like a Twitter stream — taking part in what they found valuable, letting the rest go by. They did business. They attended some sessions and events. They skipped others for quality conversation. They got sleep every night. They kept their feet on ground and their thoughts in perspective.

Lots of regular folks were there too, by Day 4 they were easy to identify. They were the ones who were still awake and itching to find their own pillow. A Survivor Experience can wear on the most grounded psyches. These are the folks who disappeared from the interwebs when they got home.

How to Find ADOS Immunity at a Huge Conference

Lots of great things happen at conferences. SxSW is outstanding for what it offers –incredible opportunities to expand your network and constant input to move your thinking to new levels. You’ll meet great people and if you try, you’ll get a chance to know them. To be successful, you need to find immunity to an extreme case of ADD that someone called ADOS — AD-oooo shiny.

Five ground rules will help.

  1. Build your network before you go. Meet people via email and telephone long before you get to the “island.” Huge conferences are more valuable if you already have a connection to the people you’re going to meet. You’ll also find that more of the meetings that you plan will actually take place.
  2. Invest in a goal. That will give your conference a direction and a basis on which to make decisions about what to do next when unexpected opportunities jump in front of you.
  3. Only plan 3 – 5 things each day and be lethal about getting those done. Interruptions and opportunities to explore people, places, and conversations will be everywhere all day long. If you find you have time to do more than you planned, you’ll be ahead of the game.
  4. Make time for at least one important conversation daily. Go to lunch with smart people. Talk about smart things. A week of continuous small talk can make any person feel shallow, insecure, and a little lost.
  5. Make time for sleep. Don’t think you can do everything. No one will notice if you missed that third party on Tuesday. Everyone will notice if you look a wreck and can’t think by Day 3.

Those few strategies can help keep your balance. You’ll accomplish your goals, get a return on your investment, and learn plenty from just being there. You’ll head home a Survivor, feeling like the tribe was worth every minute you spent in their company.

What do you do to survive huge conferences?

–ME “Liz” Strauss

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Filed Under: Marketing /Sales / Social Media, Successful Blog Tagged With: bc, conferences, LinkedIn, Marketing /Sales / Social Media, Productivity, relationships, SXSW

SOB Business Cafe 03-20-09

March 20, 2009 by Liz

SB Cafe

Welcome to the SOB Cafe

We offer the best in thinking — articles, books, podcasts, and videos about business online written by the Successful and Outstanding Bloggers of Successful Blog. Click on the titles to enjoy each selection.

The Special this Week Is Imported

TAX GIRL answers.
Normally, we impound the vehicles until payment is made. However, this time, the vehicle was running OK, and the driver of the recovered vehicle wanted to drive away. He gave us a PO from his established company. We trusted the large company.

Then, they refused to pay us the $300 for tow services unless we filled outa W-9.

Ask the taxgirl: Can I refuse to complete a form W-9?


Unconventional Thinking provokes
Early in our lives, we are all handed a book titled “This is the way things are done.”

The dutiful read it and follow it to a T. The wise, the innovators, the change makers read it and then rewrite it with their own version of The Rules.

The Accidental Business And The Random Millionaire


mariareyesmcdavis warns.
If you’ve followed this blog for any amount of time, you know I’m a big fan of scalable automation in social media, that doesn’t comprise the relationship you’re forming with someone. One such case includes auto-following and auto-unfollowing all those who do the same. Some things you just can’t keep up with and it doesn’t pay not to automate them.

I’m official changing that stance due to some recent changes on Twitter’s part …

Rant: I’m Turning Off My Twitter Automation


Pluperfecter shares.
@BeckyMcCray, who is a long-time friend and colleague via Twitter, asked her Twitter stream if anyone had any how-to advice for beginning vloggers. If you’re new to video blogging, presenting information, personality, or entertainment via video, you’ll find great ideas here.

professional tips for new video bloggers


Simplenomics applies.
I’m amazed every, single time I hear Miranda Lambert sing a song that’s new to me.

For some strange reason, I hear a sales and marketing related phrase in her work, yet I’m quite sure she didn’t do it on purpose.

Quite, Dang. Sure.

Hammers Love Nails


Related ala carte selections include

Web Urbanist delights.
Suitcases have grown in size, style and security as trains, boats and plains made the world a smaller place. From buckskin packs to steamer trunks to carbon fiber carry-ons, the story of the suitcase parallels the explosion of travel and tourism.

Traveling in Time: The Evolution of the Suitcase


Oh and..
Invest in your future. Spend a weekend with a social media dream team.

Register for SOBCon09!


Sit back. Enjoy your read. Nachos and drinks will be right over. Stay as long as you like. No tips required. Comments appreciated.

–ME “Liz” Strauss

Buy the Insider’s Guide to Online Conversation.

Filed Under: SOB Business, Successful Blog Tagged With: bc, Great Finds, LinkedIn, small business

50 Blue Feather Tweeters: Talking about People Who Talk With You

March 20, 2009 by Liz

A new guy at the local pub asked me, “What is Twitter?” He said he couldn’t make sense of it, but he supposed his niece could. She has a blog.

I finished what I was tweeting and walked over to show him. I held out the public timeline on my iPhone and began talking about what folks were talking about. As we looked down the stream, I “introduced” him to people in the avatars. We talked about what each tweet showed about the ways people use Twitter.

I pointed out the huge audience of lurkers and listeners and told the man in the pub that I preferred the folks who talk. The folks who talk make the tool a mutual resource. People who talk share information, ideas, and insights. From them I learn, I laugh, and I connect to new people and new ideas. Questions get asked answered by the folks who talk. It’s like networking offline with the speed and reach of the Internet.

The man in the pub was shocked and awed …

The man in the pub came to mind yesterday when I read Lonnie Hodge’s Blue Feather Tweeters.

So, I thought “How about a list of the top 20-30 nicest people to meet and tweet on Twitter?” Here are my first picks for Blue Feather Friends–who actually talk to you….

Lonnie’s post and his idea to celebrate friends who actually talk to you … so inspired me. I want to offer you some of my favorite tweeters too — the folks who help me learn. Certainly these aren’t nearly all of you, but these ones I think wouldn’t mind a a new person starting a conversation.

Just a Few of My Blue Feather Tweeters

  1. @lonniehodge He started the idea of blue feather tweeters and I’ve been reading his blog for almost 4 years.
  2. @amyderby Listen in at night when she and I are designing t-shirts.
  3. @rickmahn Ask him what LoL really stands for.
  4. @zenaweist About as wise as they come and even more fun than that.
  5. @jimpeake His conversation can be about anything. You’ll never be bored.
  6. @DivinePurposeMV Listen to what she says, it’s always uplifting.
  7. @AaronStrout A truly decent human being who knows business and tweets with professional generosity.
  8. @BeckyMcCray Wit, style and everything about small town small business. Ask her about rush moment.
  9. @JimStorer Lovely, kind, intelligent with a wicked mischief in his smile.
  10. @JennFowler Fabulous sense of humor and fabulous hair.
  11. @roberthruzek The original cowboy hat wearing gentleman of Twitter.
  12. @carole_hicks Energy, enthusiasm, and so much honesty. Ask her about socks and social media.
  13. @ahoffmann50 Always checking in to see how things are — if your life is a rollercoaster he knows all about them.
  14. @eeUS Every morning she greets Twitterville with a smile.
  15. @rainesmaker He speaks in brilliant sentences and often they’re hilarious.
  16. @DebNg Soft words and a sly clever way of saying them. She’s a natural community manager.
  17. @gassho He knows that reflection and silence matter. His words show it.
  18. @joanna young The smile in her latest avatar says it all.
  19. @CCSeed Intelligent, soft-spoken, and often profoundly insightful in 140 characters
  20. @amypalko She’s extraordinary. Ask her about soaring.
  21. @davepeck This is a guy worth meeting! Just say, “OMG it’s Dave Peck!” to him.
  22. @heatherrast Every morning she greets Twitterville with a smile.
  23. @markdavidson Twitter maven who’ll answer your questions and make you laugh while he does.
  24. @_Deb She’s picturing us with tha camera. Tell her it’s time to sort her sweater collection.
  25. @toddsmithphoto Always look when he points you to his latest gallery.
  26. @northernchick Gentle and funny … and oh so smart.
  27. @starbucker Positive in his world view. You will be too, especially if you sing along.
  28. @rosasay Every bit of Rosa is leadership with aloha. You hear smile when she talks.
  29. @shashib Truly a connector who wants to help and share what he knows.
  30. @lorelleonwp She’ll talk anything “W” — WordPress, Woopra, what she’s wearing.
  31. @BrentLeary He can talk about almost anything — maybe it’s his skill at interviewing.
  32. @YaelBeeri She gives good tweet.
  33. @remarkablogger Works hard, plays hard. Tweet like a pro.
  34. @AlliWorthington Charming, funny, and graciously good humored.
  35. @tojosan He’s relational. No doubt about it.
  36. @websuccessdiva She’s genuine, generous, smart, and engaging.
  37. @colderice His energy is beyond inspiring … It’s contagious!
  38. @christammiller A whining new start worth every word that she tweets.
  39. @VincentWright Chief Enthusiasm Officer and the nicest, wisest power connector.
  40. @hartsook Awesome, smart, and thinks big thoughts. Inspiring.
  41. @JasonFalls If he says it’s so, believe it.
  42. @debworks Likes to talk with smart people about smart ideas because she has so many of her own.
  43. @CCSeed Intelligent, soft-spoken, and often profoundly insightful in 140 characters
  44. @heatherjstrout It’s so easy to talk to Heather and so fun. Don’t let that fool you. She’s sharp!
  45. @barrymoltz Barry cares about folks succeeding. Asking him how to bounce.
  46. @retheauditors A brilliant, straight shooting, sharp-witted Chicagoan.
  47. @paisano He thinks therefore he’s fun to tweet with.
  48. @momofteenstwit2 Everything she does is filled with generous energy. Get to know this one.
  49. @Ron_Hudson Loves social media, making things happen, and people.
  50. @neenz An alltop favorite of the Internet. Make sure you tell her I need some stickers.

Of course before we talk, it’s always a good idea to listen first. Then do tell them I said, “hi.”

What Blue Feather Tweeters do you know?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
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Filed Under: Marketing /Sales / Social Media, Successful Blog Tagged With: bc, Blue Feather Tweeters, LinkedIn, Twitter

What Is a Social Community?

March 18, 2009 by Liz

(Updated in 2020)

The LANGUAGE of SOCIAL MEDIA

Words have a deep effect on how we interpret and interact with the world. The words we use and how we define them reveal our interests, concerns, and values. This series explores the words of social media.

Social Community

From families to friendships, we share experiences and interactions with groups. Our attachments to those groups strong or weak weave the fabric of association and community. A community is a social structure that shares personal values, cultural values, business goals, attitudes, or a world view. What binds it is a community culture of social rules and group dynamics that identify members.

An online community isn’t built or befriended, it’s connected by offering and accepting. Community is affinity, identity, and kinship that make room for ideas, thoughts, and solutions. Wherever a community gathers, we aspire and inspire each other intentionally . . . And our words shine with authenticity. Many social networking sites also offer platforms for discussion of topics that a community or network finds mutually interesting or beneficial.

In the most concise terms, an online social community is a group of like-minded individuals connected by interactions.

@smallaxe: “Community is the family you get to choose”
@KohliConsulting: “We are community.”
@sherrymain “This* is. We are. The ability to ask “what is community” and get a response from a stranger quickly!”
@ettarose “community is the force of people sharing, good or bad”
@peace_: “Community is anywhere where a group of people learn from, interact & care for each other”
@elenakostovska “respect and belonging”

For more information see:
Princeton WorNet
Wiktionary
Community
Etymology and definition of the term “community

SEE ALSO:
What Is Social Media?
What Is Social Networking?

Got more to add? C’mon let’s talk.

Be irresistible.
–ME “Liz” Strauss

Filed Under: Marketing /Sales / Social Media, Successful Blog Tagged With: Community, LinkedIn, Liz, social community, social media vocabulary, what is a social community

What The Wizard of Oz Taught Me About Business Success

March 16, 2009 by Amy Derby

A Guest Post by Amy Derby

As a kid I loved the part of The Wizard of Oz movie where Dorothy’s having the ruby slippers made the guardian of the Emerald City say, “Well that’s a horse of a different color. Come on in!”

The other kids liked the lollipop dance. My mom liked the message that everything Dorothy ever needed had been inside her the whole time. I was fascinated with the ruby slippers, because at five years old I already felt it was important to ponder someday owning that one valuable thing that would make people want to invite me inside their magical world.

Sometimes we allow what we don’t have to define us.

Whether the thing we lack is money or a home or a heart, it’s easy to become so obsessed with what we don’t have that we think getting it will bring us all the happiness in the world. We set out on a path to get there – even if it’s the wrong one — and become determined to reach our goal at any cost. (Sometimes we even have to kill a witch in the process.)


BigStock: Ruby slippers

At 18, I bought a bunch of shiny shoes and entered Corporate America. Someone who promised she was a good witch held the glass doors open for me, and I got sucked in. Once inside I quickly woke up to the fact that I didn’t like what that world was made of. Flying monkeys, screechy munchkins, and green ladies who needed houses dropped on their heads gave me nightmares. I had flashbacks of elementary school, where every time someone asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, all I could visualize was the yellow brick road and the little man pretending to be a big bad wizard shouting “Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!”

This wasn’t the dream I wanted to live after all.

Someone else’s yellow brick road might look like a promising path, but sometimes it’s just a really long way to get to where you want to go.

That doesn’t mean the path is worthless. I took everything I learned in my scary nightmare land of Corporate America with me to build the business I have today.

Just as I spent hours as a kid glued to the television watching The Wizard of Oz until my mother swore she would give our VCR away to some poor kid in China who didn’t have one, I spent many hours observing the green ladies and flying monkeys of big law firm life. I got to know a lot of different types of folks, and in doing so I made mental notes of everything they had and everything they lacked. I watched the ones who failed and the ones who succeeded — some of them did both — knowing that I wasn’t so fundamentally different from any of them. (After all, they grew up longing for magical shoes too.)

Watching them reinforced a few things The Wizard of Oz taught me:

You’ve gotta have a brain.

Scarecrow: I haven’t got a brain… only straw.
Dorothy: How can you talk if you haven’t got a brain?
Scarecrow: I don’t know… But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking, don’t they?

You’ve gotta have heart.

Wizard: As for you, my galvanized friend, you want a heart. You don’t know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.
Tinman: But I still want one.

You’ve gotta have courage.

Wizard to Lion: You, my friend, are a victim of disorganized thinking. You are under the unfortunate impression that just because you run away you have no courage; you’re confusing courage with wisdom.

You’ve gotta have a home.

Dorothy: If I ever go looking for my heart’s desire again, I won’t look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn’t there, I never really lost it to begin with.

And sometimes… it helps to have shiny shoes.

Dorothy: Oh, please! Please, sir! I’ve got to see the Wizard! The Good Witch of the North sent me!
Guardian of the Emerald City Gates: Prove it!
Scarecrow: She’s wearing the ruby slippers she gave her.
Guardian of the Emerald City Gates: Why didn’t you say that in the first place? That’s a horse of a different color! Come on in!

Of course, it also helps to know where you’re going and why you want to get there.

It helps to remember that there’s more than one path, and sometimes the best path is the one you pave yourself. Sometimes everything we need really is inside us the whole time. Other times, the stuff we need is only a friend (or a twit) away.

I left the corporate version of Oz in 2004. I’ve been paving my path since, building a business that helps other folks like me succeed — with the help of an awesome network of folks, many of whom I’m happy to call my friends. I can’t say I’m living happily ever after yet, but I’m a lot closer than I was. Meanwhile, I’ve given away most of the shiny shoes I bought, because I don’t really feel like I need them anymore.

What was your favorite book or movie as a kid? What lessons did it teach you that have helped you succeed?

Amy Derby is a law blog consultant and highly caffeinated social media addict who twitters — @amyderby — more than she sleeps.

Filed Under: Business Life, Successful Blog Tagged With: bc, business success, childhood memories, corporate america, LinkedIn, success

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